YouTubers Oneshots - Everyday is Different

Mark x Jacksepticeye- Shadows of Past

A/N Note :
This is not about Septiplier!
This will be from Marks point of view.

(Mark)
I woke up once again. I felt like nothing was gonna happen. The phone started to ring as I just had opened my eyes - and I realised  I was a minute earlier than I was supposed to be. I already felt  very tired even if I'd gotten enough sleep. I looked at my messages and there weren't any.But I had missed  like a few calls.Who was that?It was
Amy.. She was my girlfriend and she was like the best person that I had in my life.I was wondering. It was still early and I didn't wanted to answer it yet. I decided to get up and I looked at the view. The sun was shining but I wasn't quite happy about it. Because everytime  the sun  would come into my eyes would hurt like hell  and I wasn't able to fully open my eyes. Finally after a few mins, I got used to the sunlight which was very annoying for me. I just wanted to hide. I was feeling sad - and everything was just.. grey. I lived. But I just lived from day to day doing the same things as I always did.
You know. Like I was zombie, trying to find my own creativity back. My world just turned into a place without any meaning and I was thinking - this all was my fault. I tried to think something funny and original but my mind was busy with something else.
Oh God. I always was that kind of person which was overanalyzing things. And all of sudden my heart felt like someone  pulled a knife into it.
It felt like.. bleeding. Like I was smiling.
But I faked my smile. I lied about being fine..
I WAS NOT!
My heart broke into milion pieces, like a glass which fell on the ground.
I felt  like I was frozen. Nothing was important. Life just felt like someone gave me a syringe against pain.
I FELT EMPTY. I FELT NOTHING!
Sometimes I wanted to make it over. I was sick of fighting and hearing my own thoughts.
They kept on saying..
"You're not good enough"
They kept on coming, making me feel less worth the gift which was called life.
There was the only one chance. And I've lost this.
There was a day where everything went wrong.
And I didn't reacted. I just ..
Walked away. I..How could I?  Today I was broken. My soul felt like it was there but my mind was thinking about him.
About the one who disappeared. And here he was again.
He was fucking  standing in front of me. And I  froze in shock.
He changed. He was a whole different  person. I saw his face expression. He smiled.I started to freak out on the inside but outside I putted my usual bored face while inside I struggled with that what I should say.
I tried to not  look away. So many memories, they just flashed in front of my eyes. I remembered it all but I realised it was no longer alive. They died.. The beautiful times which were the best .. That everything was just a picture in my mind. I saw this but I couldn't reach for that. I couldn't feel that happiness  which I felt back then.
It was so far away. I felt like I was lying. My own lies  burned into my soul like fire. I was feeling I was gonna die slowly, from burning in my own lies. But it was happening very slowly -  it was like a torture for my mind. I was always a sensitive  person. The hours were passing but I didn't felt that.
And now..He was back. I wish I could turn back the time but it was too late.
I fuckin..I missed him. But I couldn't speak it out loud. My mind was saying that was a bad idea. I wanted to hug him.
Maybe it was for the last time.
He didn't had a lot time. He travelled a lot and he surprised me when he said that he wanted to see me.
I mean, why would he..?
There was nothing between us.
Our feelings were already digged deep down in the ground. I said to myself so many times..
I had to go on. The past was part of me- I couldn't throw it out, like the photos or whatever I had.
I complained  about just leaving the place where I lived.
Too much pain. I still struggled with those memories.
That hitted  me like a stone. And I walked with a heavy guilty feeling.
That didn't left since I could think clear.
And now I had to figure it out.
Will I speak my mind or will I just lie?
"Hey, Mark did you zoned out?"  I heard his voice. He sounded so kinda cute when he said my name.
I thought - Mark stop!  You're not anymore into him, right?