New to the team

1

Bucky has been part of the avengers for a while now - being with Steve had made things a lot easier for him but he still couldn't rid himself of the guilt that weighs him down every day.

Not just for the people he killed during his time with HYDRA but also the fact he was alive and killing people while his family was struggling in the war - he thought of his sister, y/n had died when she was working behind the front lines as a medic. God he missed her, everyone loved her she was so kind but also kind of a badass - always willing to forgive, but never forget.

He laughed slightly to himself when he remembered how ruthless you could be if someone threatened to hurt someone you loved, you sometimes did a better job of warding bullies away from Steve than he did! You could punch, and you could punch hard.

Then his smile fell when he remembered how you had died - Nazis had swarmed the trench you were in and they had killed you, you didn't stand a chance. He allowed a tear to fall down his cheek

"Buck?"

Bucky quickly wiped his face and looked up from where he was sitting on his bed to see Steve standing in the doorway

"Hey Steve" he said and Steve walked in sitting next to him and looking down at his hands

"What's up?" He asked

"Just thinking about stuff I guess" Bucky replied shortly. He knew he could talk to Steve but he felt if he started talking about y/n he might never stop

"What kind of stuff?" The question had tumbled out of Steve's mouth before he could stop it, he didn't want to push Bucky but he wanted to know so he could help

Bucky considered for a moment before replying

"Y/n" he said- Sure he could have lied but he needed to talk to someone and Steve was his best bet considering he knew y/n before

"Yeah" Steve said not entirely sure what he was supposed to say

"I- I just She was saving people as a medic in the goddam trenches and- and struggling and being killed by Nazis and I- I was with HYDRA, she was so good Steve. All she wanted was to help people and- and they killed her and I wasn't there to protect her, my own little sister, I-" Bucky faltered letting tears flow freely down his face

"Buck, it wasn't your fault, I know y/n she wouldn't want you to blame yourself. There was nothing you could do" Steve comforted

Bucky sniffled and chuckled very slightly

"What?" Steve asked

"D'you remember when she used to beat up bullied for you?" Bucky said, a teary grin showing on his face

Steve laughed " yeah I'm pretty sure she was stronger than me even after I had the serum"

There was silence while the two men reminisced about their time with you

"She would hand out sweets you know?" Bucky said finally breaking the silence

"What?" Steve asked

"To the soldiers" Bucky began "it was a joke she used to make to make us all feel better 'have a lollipop' she would say in a kids voice after she treated us - it doesn't sound funny but at the time it was bloody hilarious"

Steve chuckled "I can imagine that- and she used to swear like a sailor"

"And punch drunk men in bars because they hit on her"

"And cut out funny bits of the paper and stick them around the house"

"And visit me at work with a lunch box"

"And point to the ugliest pictures and say 'that's you'"

"And plait the little girls hair"

They stopped and smiled at each other, then Steve sighed and stood up, offering his hand to Bucky

He took it and stood up next to Steve

"Look I know you miss her, I do too but she wouldn't want us to be sad you know that. So let's go and have dinner, the others are waiting for us" Steve said

"Sure" Bucky replies smiling at Steve

And they made their way to the kitchen not knowing you were still alive at that very minute at a HYDRA base in a pressurised room - screaming for them.