Please, Miss (GirlxGirl) ✔️

4 | the fish pond

                The rest of the week had dragged by slowly, each day more painful and boring than the previous. I knew that the weekend couldn't get much better, considering I was being held hostage at St Martha's, my freedom in shackles. The only upside was that I didn't have to sit through five hours of soporific classes.

Megan woke me up at just after nine, and together we went down to breakfast. Her and Clarice were planning on what to do when they went into town, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy; I'd been at this school for over a week, and I just wanted a sliver of my freedom back.

They left for the bus into town at ten while I showered and dressed in a short strapless romper and sandals. I'd been told the weather would start going rapidly downhill soon, and so I was making the most of my summer outfits. Miss Bowen knocked on my door at ten thirty, and when I answered, she raised her eyebrows at my clothing choice, rolling her eyes with a sigh.

"What?" I retorted. "Just because everyone else dresses like a nun does not mean I have to."

I could see her trying to refrain from smiling. "Do you have your books?" I nodded. "Great. We'll head down to the library and make a start."

In the library, we sat on a table in the corner by the dusty window, spreading my books out across it. The place was virtually empty aside from a few other students catching up on homework or studying. Most people were in town, I figured.

Miss Bowen spent around an hour going through my work for each subject, asking me what I understood and what I didn't. She seemed surprised at the amount of knowledge I actually had. I wasn't a stupid girl; I knew I could achieve quite a lot if I actually made the effort. Most of the time, I just didn't want to.

At around noon, I closed my books. "That's enough. I don't think I can physically take anymore," I breathed, looking at my textbooks with disgust.

Miss Bowen chuckled. "Okay, I suppose we can leave it there for today. You've done well, but I know you can do even better if you really put your mind to this. You're a clever girl, Evie."

"I'm well aware," I replied, to which she laughed once again. It felt good to know I could amuse her. I wasn't sure why I seemed desperate to impress, but I found that I was. It was a strange feeling, wanting to make myself look good to someone. My problem was normally caring too little about the opinions of others.

My smile faded as I looked out the window longingly. I was getting used to being at St Martha's, but I still missed being able to go out and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

"Are you okay?" Miss Bowen asked from beside me.

I glanced at her, avoiding holding eye contact with for too long. "Fine," I said with a weak smile.

"You don't have to keep lying to me, you know Evie. I've only known you for a week, but it's not difficult to know when you're not telling the truth."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's just shitty knowing that I'm stuck in here doing Algebra while everyone else is out doing their own thing. I miss feeling like I've not been locked up."

For once, she didn't tell me to watch my language. "I know it's difficult feeling like you're trapped in here. But as long as you keep going with this, you'll soon earn that privilege too."

"I know," I said quietly. Soon felt like a long while away.

Miss Bowen watched me fleetingly. "Listen, I know you can't go off campus, but maybe I can show you somewhere that you can be alone, get a bit of peace and quiet. How does that sound?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Really?"

"Sure. Grab your things, I'll take you there."

I followed Miss Bowen out the building and across the field. At the back, a wall of leafy trees stood in a circle, leaving a gap at the side large enough for me to get through with ease. Within the circle, a small pond sat, filled with fish of all different color and shape. A wooden bench had been placed just beside it. With the cover of the trees, you could be completely out of sight from anyone else around. It was perfect.

"This is amazing," I breathed with a wide smile, making my way over to the bench and perching on the edge. "How did you find out about this?"

Miss Bowen came and sat beside me. "I've worked here for three years. When I first started, I felt the same way as you. I had the privilege of being able to escape from it all, obviously, but it was still a little suffocating sometimes. During free periods and lunchtimes, I'd wander around the field just to have some quiet, and then one day I sort of wandered in here by accident. It's a nice place to come, actually. I'm pretty sure this pond used to be open, but the trees grew and I guess people just forgot all about it."

I turned to face her. "Why did you leave America?"

She smiled. "I used to live in Missouri with my parents. Then I went to college to study English and History, fell in love with both, and realised I wanted to teach. I came to England on a vacation with my friend one summer, and realised how much I liked it here. And so once I'd graduated from college I came back, got a job, and haven't left since."

"Do you miss your family?" I asked.

She was quiet for a moment. "Not really. My parents weren't exactly the supportive type. They didn't agree with certain parts of my life, so to speak. After I left for college, I sort of just lost contact with them altogether. They know where I'm living now, but they haven't ever tried to visit or make contact." My lips parted, and I sat, not really knowing what to say. She noticed my expression. "Sorry, I shouldn't be lumbering my personal life on you. That was unprofessional."

I shook my head. "No it wasn't. Everyone has problems, Miss Bowen. You're allowed to share yours and not feel bad about it. But, why did they stop talking to you? What did you do that they didn't agree with? I mean, you don't exactly strike me as the troublemaker type."

She smiled again. "You ask too many questions."

"You don't answer enough."

"You always have something to say, don't you Evie?" She said, nudging my arm gently with a small grin.

I laughed quietly. "You'd be bored if I didn't."

"I'd definitely have an easier time. You don't exactly make things simple for me, do you? Especially in my class."

"Hey, I've been making an effort," I complained.

Miss Bowen raised a brow. "You could definitely make a little more, I think."

"Well, there are some people you just cannot please," I tutted, and she chuckled once again. She tousled her hair with her right hand, allowing the chestnut waves to fall both over her shoulder and down her back.

She sighed and quiet elapsed around us for a few moments. "My parents are very strict Christians, and one day I decided to come out to them. I told them I was bisexual. They didn't agree, and they told me that unless I agreed to change my ways, then I could forget living under their roof any longer." A hint of sadness ignited behind her eyes as she played with a strand on hair.

Miss Bowen was bisexual? That was certainly unexpected. I usually liked to think I was fairly good at reading people, but she had taken me by surprise.

I frowned. "What did you do?"

She shrugged with a sad smile. "I left. And I never went back. I stayed with a friend over summer and then in September I went off to college and didn't ever hear another word. I haven't seen any of my family since. I always thought that one day they'd just turn up, tell me they were sorry and they didn't mean what they said. I used to dream of them coming over to England to surprise me, armed with apologies." She laughed, as though it amused her, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "They never came though, obviously."

I bit my lip. "I'm really sorry."

Miss Bowen sighed quietly. "There's nothing to be sorry about. It's done and it's over, no point in dwelling. Come on," she said, standing from the bench. "We'd better get back. Everyone will be home from town soon, you should go and see your friends."

I nodded standing and following her back through the trees and across the field. But the truth was. I didn't want to go and see my friends, I wanted to stay there with her, talking absentmindedly and laughing about stupid things. I wanted to hear about her life, about the things that she'd been through. She was already more of a friend to me than anyone else at this place. As we walked towards the school building, I turned my head to look at her, smiling. She looked at me and smiled in return, and I felt my cheeks burn slightly. Did she make me nervous? If she did, it certainly wasn't a feeling I enjoyed. It was uncomfortable knowing that I wanted to spend this much time with someone I barely knew, someone I shouldn't even care for...