The Cowboy's Regret

Returning

Its quiet, almost too quiet, the silence enclose me causing a slight ringing in my ears. Not even the crickets are chirping, everyone has retired for the evening, resting after a long day of work. The silence stretches out as long as the cornfields that i am surrounded by as i drive down the long winding road.

    I never thought that i'd be coming back here again. I left this place and everyone here behind a long time ago, the memories only surfacing on nights that I'm feeling especially sorry for myself. Looking out the window rows of cornfields on either side of me trap me in. They used to make me feel free. I remember running through the fields with my arms outstretched my hands combing through the stalks as i laughed, only to run faster as he chased me.

    Sometimes if i try hard enough I can feel the sun warming my skin as we lay in the meadows both trying to catch our breath as we laughed about anything and everything. All the good memories come to a halt when i ultimately remember why it was i left. How heartbroken i felt, and how life altering everything seemed at the time. But then again when your 17 and things don't go the way you planned, it can seem like the end of the world. I cant help but to roll my eyes at how silly I've been the past five years , refusing to come see family and old friends just to avoid the chance of running into HIM. Realizing that he wasn't my entire world like i used to think, just a small piece of it.

    A quick summer romance that ended badly, trying to convince myself that he's not the reason I've put off dating  or even coming remotely close to being involved with men again. No not because of him at all, my studies have just had to take the front seat, and now my career. I'll start dating again one day i promise myself. My heart starts to climb into my throat as i near the familiar long drive up to the ranch. Praying that he is not around and he's out somewhere, because as much as i hate to admit it, I'm not ready to face him yet. Even though what happened is in the past all the memories are coming back full force, keeping me pinned into the front seat of my car unable to move as i stare at the ranch in front of me.

I can do this" i say as i take a deep breath and reach for my car handle