Messages » Larry AU

Chapter 14

A/N: Trigger warning

HARRY'S P.O.V- (Surprise!)

I didn't deserve Louis.

This thought had been constantly in my mind since the day he had told me he loved me. Whatever I was doing, my brain always reminded me of how much better off he'd be without me. I even told him that, but surprisingly he disagreed.

He told me he was the one who didn't deserve me, which was kind of right. Louis did deserve someone a lot better than me. And even though he couldn't see it, I did. Every single time I looked at him, something inside me screamed that I was fucking selfish for staying with him. That I should go and let the poor boy alone. I contemplated it a lot of times, but in the end the decision was made by my parents finding out about our relationship.

However, we were together again, not giving a shit about my parents, though I was rather scared at what would happen once they found out I had been lying all the time. But I wasn't really worried about myself, I was worried about what they'd do to Louis - precious, innocent Louis. I knew they weren't joking when the told me they'd "show him some manners." Lou was foolish to stay with me. Though I wasn't exactly going to leave him either. I was way too selfish to bring myself to do it.

I deserved to feel pain for getting him in such a position. If I hadn't started texting him, he would have never fallen in love with me. He would still be in the belief that I was some popular twat. But no, I had to text him, he had to fall in love with me. Being with me was practically putting him in the risk of getting beaten up by my dad or some of his friends. And that was my fault. I needed to be punished for it.

Since my thoughts were pretty much just that every night, it was no surprise that I once again snatched my sharp, silver razor blade from its hidden place and lined it up on my wrist, ready to make a well-deserved cut. I was about to press the blade down, when suddenly my phone vibrated. I didn't move first, not wanting to stop what I was doing, but a few moments later I decided to read the message anyway. After all it could be some kind of emergency.

I let the blade fall down onto my bed and unlocked the phone, reading the screen: 1 new text message from: Lou <3. Without trying hard my lips curled up into a real smile, like they always did thinking about Louis and I quickly opened the message.

"Hey there, Haz :] The weekend has been awful without you. Can't wait to see you again tmrw.<33 xxx"

A tear escaped my eyes and slowly rolled down my cheek, dropping and landing on my phone screen. I glance over at the razor blade, lying on my bed sheets, looking oh so tempting. Did I really want to do it? Disappoint Louis? Who had so much confide in me?

I stood up sighing and took the blade, careful so I wouldn't cut my fingers. Silently I made my way to the bathroom, hoping my parents wouldn't hear me, and quickly, before I could change my mind, dropped the silver, shiny object into the toilet, flushing it into the depths of the sewerage.

I felt a lot better after doing that; a lot more honest towards Louis. Though I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a bit panicked. After all I had nothing to hurt myself anymore, should I really feel the need again some time. Back in my room I took my phone and replied to his message.

"Hey love <3 Can I come around tmrw after school? My parents aren't at home & it'd be nice to leave the house again I miss youu xx"

I would have asked him to come around, as it had been ages since the last time, but I didn't want to risk anything. It would be a lot worse if my parents found Louis here than finding me not here at all. I could always tell them I had been at some friends house, which wasn't exactly a lie. Another reason I wanted to come around Louis' was his mum. I wanted to gain her trust back. He had told me she seemed rather out of sorts with me and I wanted her to maybe not like me, but at least trust me with Louis again. His reply came soon enough.