(Sherlock x Reader) Never trust those who are never truthful

Chapter 18 - New Beginnings

Easing back into civilian life was difficult to say the least. You were no where near to being a normal human being and you were finding it increasingly frustrating not being able to have something to occupy your time. This was not only because of your injuries but also because of the restraints Sherlock had put on you for what you were allowed to do. In fact he was one of the most annoying aspects of this whole situation you were scared that you might actually lash out at him because of it.

There were perks to being this lazy though, such as how you were able to catch up with all of the things that you had never experienced. This included music, TV shows and films. You even dragged Sherlock into watching a few films with you even if he complaned about the irregularity of the plots and how the characters were completely unbelievable and one dimentional.

Currently you were trying to sneak out of 221b even if it were just for a moment, mostly because you needed the fresh air but also because you weren't at all sure if you would be able to keep your sanity for much longer if you were cooped up in there for a day more. Sherlock had nearly blown up the hole apartment the other day with one of his 'experiments' and you weren't sure if your patience could go on before you snapped and hit him. That's not what you wanted to do, especially to someone who cared about you in a...well...relationship (?) kind of way.

Hood of your jacket up and shoes tied you were ready to go. Now all was needed for you to get out of there. You were presubably 'napping' in your room so it wouldn't be too hard, also considering the fact that the fire escape was right outside your window it shouldn't be too hard. However it seemed that Sherlock or whatever you'd like to call him these days was having none of it. He managed to grab you by the edge of your jacket whilst giving you a stern glare with a raised eyebrow.

"Going somewhere?" He asked with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

You felt ashamed, it was if he were expecting this sooner or later and you'd fallen right into it. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He knew it! Well then again, it was Sherlock and he could predict everything about you, couldn't he?

"I-uh..." You paused, not out of awkwardness but out of defeat, "no, I changed my mind."

"Why were you going to leave?" He asked a desperate look in his eyes, as if he didn't just want you to stay because of the current predicament you two were in but because perhaps he even wanted you there. In the previous few weeks it was as if Sherlock had become the cold outer shell he had been when you first met him. It was as if he didn't have any emotions at all. You were okay with that you guessed. Sure, it hurt but you were used to it. Being rejected was the norm in your former life but you just didn't quite know how to handle it now. You'd let yourself become vulnerable again, it was too much so you did the same. You only put on a brave face when John visited, for his sake. Other than that and Sherlock fretting in fear that you were going to do something drastic life at 221b was cold, and un-homely.

You couldn't keep it in anymore, "because Sherlock, I can't handle life like this. It's too mundane and boring. And I know you're keeping me here until I can get proper protection and a new identity but I can't take this anymore." You took a deep breath, biting back the lump in your throat as it threatened to make your voice crack as tears were on the verge of falling, "I can't take it. Sherlock, d-do you hate me?" You couldn't stop the tears as they spilled over as your voice cracked at the last question.

"Well you can be insufferable at times but no I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate you but I certainly wouldn't go as far to say that I would love you either." He stuttered, "not since the incident at least." He refused to meet your eyes as you spoke.

"Way to charm a girl. I know we haven't spoken about it since I came home from the hospital but..." You looked directly at him as you waited for him to meet your own eyes, "d-do you see me as a monster?" You could taste blood in your mouth from the chewing of your lip.

"You were following orders and even the best of people can turn into monstrous things doing that," he said simply before letting your jumper go in dismissal, "I don't think you a monster but I think the actions you performed were. But I have to recall that one's actions are not the whole person, no matter the action."

You nodded undertaking softly as you pushed past him in silence and resignation, finally knowing what he felt. If he even felt anything at all. "I need to phone someone, is it okay if they come here?" You asked quietly, hoping his answer to be positive.

"Who?" Was his only reply.

"My....my uhhh..." Should you say? You decided that he needed the truth, "my brother."

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A/N *hides in the shadows and pretends not to exist for a while*

New update should be soon, look forward to the new plot!