I CAN'T SAVE US ↠ KAI PARKER

32. undisclosed desires

"Well I'm not staying for the company" I said playfully and he smiled "do I still get a tour?" I asked, part of me actually feeling curious about finally seeing where Kai probably spent most of his time, which wasn't much considering he was always plotting something or raising hell somewhere else.

"Mi casa es su casa" he said with a playful smile and I followed him to the living room.

The first thing I noticed was how different it was to the one I'd seen in the memories he showed me, it was more open and bigger, the decoration and furniture was a lot more modern too, also much more sophisticated but homey at the same time. It was like the kind of apartment I always hoped I would have, even with the rustic but modern living-room fireplace and the windows were the right size and not overly big like most lofts had. I knew I was focusing way too much on the details but it just seemed kind of odd Kai would– "Do you hate it?" the sudden question snaps me out of my thoughts and I realized I'd been just contemplating the place without saying anything this whole time.

"No, it's just so different to the one you showed me in your memories" I replied, walking to the fireplace.

"Different bad or...?" he asked shyly, watching my every move and I couldn't help but smile.

"Different good," I assured him "it's really nice" I said before continuing to look around, and even though it was different from what I thought Kai's apartment would look like, there were still a lot of small details that just kind of had Kai written all over it, like the vintage vhs machine hooked to the tv, some of the art and posters from what I guessed where pop culture references of the 80's and 90's, the mini drinks bar, and the cds and vinyls collection. I also couldn't help but notice there were no photos on the tables, just a small one of Pamela Anderson in her iconic baywatch suit placed laughs on top of the fireplace and I picked it up "why do you have a picture of babewatch-Pamela Anderson?" I asked trying not to laugh but he did.

"I had a thing a for her, pretty much every kid who watched baywatch did" he replied, walking towards me and I laughed.

"So you framed a picture of her?" I chuckled, placing it back.

"Why? jealous?" He asked, playfully raising an eyebrow at me but I just laughed again.

"No, I would have a picture of her myself but if I'm framing a picture of my biggest celebrity crush it'll be Chris Evans, I won't settle for anyone else" I said with a shrug.

"Chris Evans? That's the guy who plays the goody-two-shoes on the avengers, right? That's so... boring" Kai said, looking a little surprised by my choice.

"Careful that's my future husband you're talking about" I joked and he rolled his eyes "I grew up watching pretty much all of his movies, my mom had the biggest crush on him and everytime one of his movies came out we had this whole... mother-daughter-chris day..." I paused, smiling as soon as those memories came rushing back, unintentionally making me feel a little melancholic "I know it's silly but we had the best time... she would buy all of our favorite snacks and we would talk for hours after the movie was over... she made those days special" and I can't help but wonder what my life would've been like if she was still here, even though vampires and supernatural things didn't dwell well on Gilberts, part of me felt like she would've eventually supported Jeremy's, Elena's and I's decision of who we were and loved, the way Liz had with Caroline. It's the same part that unconsciously missed her everyday and wished she was still here. It just felt like things would be easier, there was so much I wanted to tell her and ask her... maybe she would know what to do with all of my very confused and unrequited feelings.

"I didn't know..." he mumbled, hesitating for a few seconds.

"It's fine" I said, turning to him "but if for some reason all the Chris Evans pictures in the world were gone, I would frame one of the hot doctor from that doctors show"