Count to Three

Isolation

For k_olive because of the beautiful cover on the side. This is the first one I've ever received, so thank you bunches. Love you, girl.

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"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Chapter 7:

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks since I had spoken to Jaxon and Eli, and I was falling apart. It was getting bad again, bad like the time right after his death. When I would cry myself to sleep and the nightmares kept me awake.

Mom said that I should get my own hotel room so that she could get some rest. I guess my sobs kept her awake through the night. She was such a thoughtful woman - always thinking of others before herself. Not.

I visited the jail every day for two weeks, hoping that he would be willing to visit with me. Eventually, I gave up. If he wanted to talk to me, he could use his call card that I helped him buy. He hasn't called.

With Jaxon, I guess you could say it was the opposite. I was the one avoiding him, and he was the one who eventually gave up on me. I wasn't surprised, for I was a stubborn, hard to deal with girl. One that nobody could tolerate for a long enough period of time. I got old, I got boring, I got annoying.

I was only scared.

I pushed people away. I pushed too hard sometimes unfortunately, and most couldn't handle the force of my shoves. It was a hopelessly pathetic cycle of me blocking people out and them getting tired of me and my antics. Eventually everyone left me in the cold snow with no jacket, waiting for me to freeze while they only watched.

I broke my own heart, repeatedly and purposely for no reason in particular. Maybe it was because I allowed people to get too close for comfort. Maybe it was because so many people had left me in the past that I could no longer handle it. Maybe it was just who I was.

Either way, I couldn't accept the fact that I had nobody.

Mom's favorite hobby was watching me slip out of my own grasp and pretend like nothing was happening to me. She claimed that 'I was going through a phase' or that 'I could talk about it with Sheryl later'. Mom never wanted to help me. I suppose it was selfish of me to think that she ever would.

Whenever I went to visit Sheryl, I was too exhausted to be able to put my feelings into words for her. If I wasn't able to comprehend my own emotions, then how would she be able to understand the misery that I felt?

I did what Hanna Marin did after her breakup with Caleb - constantly listen to sad songs on repeat. The lyrics in the songs were the only things that understood me, they became my only company.

The pages of my diary came to life in a graphic tale of a depressed girl's story. I had to take a trip to the store to get another journal because I'd filled mine up so quickly. I also grabbed a blue pen, because writing in all black ink was getting too repetitive for me.

I hadn't eaten all that much, I hadn't slept all that much. Mom never brought me dinner anymore, so I guess I just stopped eating it. I guessed too much these days. I was a girl stuck in her lonesome, one that didn't know how to deal with it.

My part-time job was the only thing left for me to hold on to. I had worked a few shifts here or there, whenever my boss called me in. The first day, I was expecting Jaxon to show up, for he was so set on being my first customer. Instead, I waited on a man with white hair and large glasses.