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"What are we going to do about it..?"
Jaemin sighed, slumped down on my bed
"How about.. You guys just date each other for real? I mean, I don't think I have a pla-"
Renjun's voice trailed off as we looked at him in disbelief
he really wasn't serious with that right?
"Just pretend to date, you know.. It's not too hard, right? You're always together.. You're always beside each other.."
I felt sad
but it was a type of sad where you felt super sad
i felt depressed
"Renjun, it's only as bestfriends-"
"Then why is it that you two look so flustered? Haneul is turning into a tomato anytime soon."
I went towards him with open arms, intending to comfort him
but he only raised his to put them down
he smiled at me
"I'm fine. See? You can just date him."
he was painfully smiling
like last time at the rooftop
"No."
I never wanted to leave Renjun out
he's a main character too
I've decided
considering my past with him
everyday he helped me carry my books, he'd come to my classroom at dismissal when i was in public school
when i got homeschooled instead, he went to my house daily and brought food with him
we'd study while listening to the songs he has recorded, and he'd play the songs he said he wrote about me
whenever i was sad, he would be there to comfort me. he fought anyone who bullied me
he'd scold me if i did anything bad, he'd hug me if i cry about it
he made cringy jokes just to make me laugh whenever i felt down, and he'd plan random trips to destress on the weekends
he was always there
until we got pulled away.
but here we are, same room, same time, same feelings
I want to tell him what i didn't get to say back then
what i was too scared to tell him.
Renjun
the first internet friend i've met
and the last love i need
"I like- No. I love you."
