Sleeping with my Best Friend? (Completed)

{Chapter.37}

What.the.actual.fuck?

"Those things they have for fucking alcoholics and drug addicts?" I questioned.

"Well yes but-"

"Well last time I checked, I never did drugs and im not a fucking alcoholic." I sort of yelled.

"Lia please calm down, we just want to help." My mother got up.

"Oh now want to fucking help?! Where were you when I told you I was gay? Where were you when I cried almost every night because I felt like I tore our family apart? Where were you when daddy would come home drunk and hit me? Where were you when Nathan-" I stopped myself.

I refused to believe I was raped. Things like that don't happen to me.

"Lia please, we aren't judging you, we are here to show you that we want to help." Clarity said.

I don't know why but the moment Clarity said that, something in me snapped.

"What the fuck do I need your help for?! All you've done is constantly judge me." I spat at her.

I felt attacked, we were supposed to be celebrating me being out of the hospital but instead they want to host some intervention like I had an addiction.

I noticed hurt flash across Clarity's face and she suddenly got serious.

"If you don't need help then give me your arm." Clarity insisted.

I could have given her my arm, my arms were heavily tattooed for this reason but of course I didn't.

I unconsciously pulled on my sleeve before I even realized what I was doing. That was the last thing I wanted to explain to anyone. No one would understand, they would only judge me more.

"What's wrong with your arms?" My mother asked as she walked toward me.

Everything was becoming too much, I didn't want to deal with this.

"Im not dealing with this bullshit." I muttered as I turned to open the door. Alex quickly got up and blocked the door so there was no way for me to leave.

"Lia tell us how you feel, we want to help you." Clarity stepped forward.

"Cecelia what is wrong with your arms?" My mother urged.

"Lia everything will get better once you tell her." Alex said.

I wanted everyone to stop talking to me, I wanted everyone to stop attacking me, I just wanted them to just go away.

"I FUCKING CUT AND CLAW AT MYSELF!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?!" I closed my eyes and screamed.

Hearing myself say that out loud triggered something in me and I couldn't help but start crying.

"I mark myself up because I feel like I deserve it! I can't handle my own emotions!" My legs began feeling like jelly and I collasped on the floor.

I felt Alex try and pick me up but I pushed him away.

"Don't fucking touch me Miller!" I snapped at him.

"Lia if you would have just talked to one of us then-" Clarity started.

"Don't you dare finish that fucking sentence Clarity don't you fucking dare! Your life is perfect! You are so naive to the world around you because you have such a perfect life! Clarity I envy your life so much, you have a mother and father who are both understanding, you would never be able to understand what Ive been going through all these years!" I continued yelling.

"Cecelia-" my mother started.

"STOP CALLING MY NAME! You are the reason why I hate myself! There are sooo many times I wish I wasn't fucking gay or that I had some kind of fucking problem! How could my own mother hate someone all because of their sexual preference! I AM STILL LIA! I am still a woman mom! I may act slightly boyish but I still enjoy doing girly things! I like getting pedicures and manicures! Ill still go shopping with you, we can still go shop for fucking makeup I don't care!"

"Oh baby I know im so sorry, I was so blinded by confusion and disgust that I just... I don't know there is no excuse for my behavior." My mother began crying.

"I feel like I tore the family apart! Abigail felt it too! Daddy would hit me because I tore the family apart! I get shit for cutting myself but Abigail doesn't get shit for fucking her pain away with a boy who is older than her! They don't fucking love each other! They use each other as a fucking distraction!" I shot a glare at Abigail who looked at me like a deer caught in headlights.

"Lia this isn't about Abigail right now this is about you." Clarity said quietly.

I stuffed my face in my arms, I didn't want anyone seeing me cry but my eyes continued to water like I was some little bitch.

Maybe I was.

"I don't want it to be about me anymore!" I cried harder.

I felt my mother's soft hands grab mine and pull me up from the floor. I looked into her eyed and noticed her face was wet with tears.

"I tore our family apart Cecelia, none of this is your fault, you aren't sick. The fact that I tore my family apart because I couldn't accept your preference is my fault. I hate seeing you cry so much." Her lip began to quiver as she looked at me.

"I don't know if I can forgive you, you weren't there for me, I had no one to talk to, no one to tell me about feelings and relationships, you weren't there when.." I stopped myself.

I didn't want to say it, I tried to hard to block that out of my mind, to try and forget, to even change the memory. I didn't want to accept it.

"Lia you have to say it, Lia you will continue to hurt and blame yourself when you had no control." Clarity pleaded.

All the memories began rushing into my mind, him grabbing me, climbing on top of me, before I knew it I felt the contents of my stomach rushing up.

I pushed away from my mom and ran towards the downstairs bathroom. I vomitted into the toilet, feeling my stomach tightening until I was dry heaving into the toilet.

"Cecelia are you okay?" My mother rushed into the bathroom.

"You weren't there when he touched me! You were never there! Mommy you weren't there for me!" I cried as I clutched myself while laying on the bathroom floor.

I felt her grab me and pull me up to her chest as she rocked me back and forth.

"Cecelia Im so sorry, Ill never be able to forgive myself knowing someone hurt my baby girl." She cried as she kissed the top of my head.

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