In My Sister's Shadow-Book II

2. Desperate Measures

Kash pushed his tray aside and leaned forward. "The cameras are a deterrent, Zohra. When you're not in the flat, who knows what happens? I will monitor them. The moment we have solid footage, you will be out of there. It could be today, tomorrow."

It was tempting. The idea of returning home to mum with the children seemed too good to be true. Kash flirted with the options of starting a life with the children, without the interference of Zayn. Sitting with Kash, a level of compunction rose. I knew meeting Kash secretly was wrong. Whatever Zayn did, or didn't do, there was no excuse for me to see Kash behind his back.

"I don't have the money. Two grand for one camera? It's too much. I'm just about paying our bills."

"Don't worry about the money, that's secondary." Kash's voice muted with softness. In another world, maybe I would have allowed him to come closer to me. But he was tainted with Zeenat.

"I do. I don't want to be in debt. That's how we got into this mess. I'll speak to mum, she'll transfer some money into my account."

Lingering in two minds, I was uncomfortable with the idea. However, I could see no other option now. I just wanted Zayn to stop being so stubborn and admit he needs help. He's a good man when things go his way. Maybe, once I get some footage I could negotiate a deal with Zayn, tell him to talk to dad or else I would report him. Yes! That would be better. With the footage I had some leverage. One day. One moment. He snaps. He yells and that's it. We have the evidence.

I recalled the moment when Aymaan was splashing in the bath and Zayn's harsh reaction leaving marks on the child's arm. Zayn had a terrifying temper.

"Okay. Okay. I'll do it. But I don't feel right in spying on Zayn. I feel awful doing this-"

"Thing about your sister. Think about Zeenat. Think about her promise." He reminded.

Kas was right. I had to protect Zeenat's children. I promised her.

Settling the children in my car, the rain dispersed. I locked the car door and made my way to Kash's red Bentley finalising the finer details.

"Kash?" I called him when he sat into his car. "What happened to that girl? The one who was using Zeenat's facebook to message you?"

"She hasn't messaged recently, why?"

"I need to know who she is. Can you find out for me? Maybe she knows something."
Kash left agreeing to message her. I was left with the arduous task of asking mum for money.

*****

Mum was vulnerable and desperate in need of contact. She would have done anything to please me and I was disgusted with myself.

"What do you need the money for?"

I lied. To pay the mortgage, I replied. I allowed her to believe we were living happily in Walsall and suffered a temporary shortfall of cash. This was the only way to protect her from our dire situation.

"I'll get permission from Zayn and see if he allows us to visit you." I said. Underneath it all, mum could sense something in my voice. Her final words sent a chill to my bones.
"Zeenat was distant. She hid many things from us. I'm still living with the guilt of it all. Don't be Zeenat." It was too late. The day I married Zayn, I stepped into her shoes.

Sadaqat transferred the money on mum's behalf and he promised that he would never tell dad. After the previous argument, everyone was on tenterhooks, worried about Zayn and dad kicking off.

Once again, I met Kash at Dixy's circumspect of my surroundings. This time the children remained in the car protected from the thundering storm. I handed the brown envelope to Kash where he inspected it, flicking through the notes.