*This is for the girls who are lost in life. I hope this helps you, most of it is how I feel too.*
Idontwannabeyouanymore
"What are you doing outside, babe?"
You didn't bother turning around, you knew it was your boyfriend. As expected, he came after realising you left the party which was especially for you. Just because it was your birthday, that didn't necessary mean to have a party. It was just adding another chapter towards your ending.
"Honestly, I don't even know." You sighed out, letting the chilly breeze hit against your face.
You felt him stop beside you. Also watching the beautiful view of the snowy mountains with the ocean of stars in the sky. It never occurred to you that this was the brightest the stars have ever been.
"Why did you leave? The party was for you."
A heavy breath escaped your mouth, turning into white smoke before fading away.
"It's too much."
"Too much?" He repeated in uncertainty.
"Why does everyone want to comfort me when it's my birthday? Like, I get it. I'm ageing, not the biggest news ever." You let the truth out. "But when I'm stuck in my shell, when I'm scared of what to do with my future, when I'm struggling to cope with my thoughts at 2am, why isn't anyone there then?"
"It's so hard for me to wake up everyday, knowing just how depressed I'll be the whole day. I can't deal with these vicious voices in my head, telling me I'll always be alone in a world I don't want to be in. You see how my parents are, they give me such a hard time and pressure me with reaching their unrealistic expectations." You keep going, despite the knot forming in your throat. "Like I'm their only child for goodness-sake, can't they see through me? I'm standing right in front of them yet they're still so blind."
"It's tough, Taehyung." You finally cry aloud, "it's so hard to keep this up. Crying myself to sleep, and then smiling the next morning as if I didn't just have a mental break down the night before. And you know what? They don't even help me, they just criticise me for feeling so degraded about myself, when they're the reason of it!"
Tears now stream down your face, your a mess yelling all about everything that needs to be said. And after spilling it, your chest instantly becomes lighter and you feel relieved after expressing ever speck of emotion and rage you kept inside of you.
And it helps that he doesn't say anything. Because as much as you want to be promised that you'll be alright, it feels even more better when it's just silence and no one is there to give you false hope.
The truth is, no one is alright.
"Baby, what?" You jump, almost startled by his presence, forgetting that he was there in the first place. "You've felt like this and it took you this long to speak to me about it?" You've understood that he may be hurt, but you accept the way it is.
