Almost V

스물아홉

The flagpole is all the way up a set of steps, on a wide natural stone platform - a lookout over the ocean, where the surfer's crosswalk ends.

Right in front of the memorial statue of Jonghyun Kim.

I sigh, and then snort at myself, because really, no matter what I do, I can't escape him. And if V is the nice guy I'm hoping he is, we can both have a laugh about it later.

Weaving around blankets, I make my way to the lookout and climb the stone steps. I'm getting a little nervous now. Not much, but this is surreal. The lookout is fairly spacious. It's banded in a wood railing with some built-in benches around the ocean side, where one older couple is looking out at the sunset. Not him, for sure. I look up at the Jonghyun statue. I've seen the photo of this online, of course, and driven past it, but it's weird to see it up close in person. Someone's put a Hawaiian lei around his neck; I wonder if it was Mrs. Kim.

Someone's sitting on a bench behind the statue. I blow a long breath, straighten my shoulders, and lumber around ol' Jonghyun. Time to face V.

"Hello, Giant Maknae."

My brain sees who's in front of me, hears the words, but doesn't believe. It recalculates and recalculates, over and over, but I'm still stuck. And then it all comes rolling back to me, out of order.

The video store.

Rush Hour.

Him caring about the Blasian flacon being stolen.

Hwarang.

White cat at the surf shop.

Churro chart.

Is it wrong to hate someone who used to be your best friend?

Cheating girlfriend.

Watching movies at work.

Tiny moments of fashion styles.

My coworker, the human blunt.

Me Before You.

Mr. Kim.

Jonghyun 'Victorious' Kim.

Victorious.

V.

My knees buckle. I'm falling. Taehyung jumps up from the bench and grabs me around the waist before I hit the ground. I kick at the stone below my feet, like I'm swimming in place, trying to get traction. Trying to get control of my legs. I finally manage it. When I do, I go a little crazy. It's that stupid lavender scent of his. I push him away from me, beat him - hard - landing blows on his arms until he lets me go in order to shield his face. And then I just fall to pieces.

I sob.

And sob.

I curl into a ball on the bench and sob some more.

I don't even know why I'm crying so hard. I just feel so stupid. And shocked. And overwhelmed. Sort of betrayed, too, but that's crazy, because how could that be? Then I stop crying and gasp a little, because I realize that's exactly how Taehyung must have felt when he found out.

He sits down on the bench and lifts my head onto his lap, sighing heavily. "Where are you at in the screw-up-ness of it all? Because there are all kind of layers."

"We basically cheated on each other with each other," I say.

"Yeah," he says. "That's pretty messed up. When I told eomma, she said we pulled a reverse 'Pina Colada,' which was about this couple who write personal ads looking for hookups, and end up meeting each other."