So today my mom started her new job today. I'm happy for her but I feel kinda bad that she is upset about everything that is happening. I don't know hoe I could help her feel better. She says things feel really different now because everything before was all she knew and I understand because I've had to deal with it almost all my life. I know this really doesn't matter but its somewhere I can rant about shit. Speaking of, someone (not gonna say who) felt bad for my sister having to go back home (my sister was spending the night with us) because of everything and said that I didn't listen/deal with it as much because I was at their house / haven't listened/dealt with it as much as my little sister and I know that they didn't know and I'm not mad about it now but at that moment I kinda was because even way before she was born I had to deal with it and I had dealt with it for YEARS and for them to say that was VERY offensive and its really hard to offend me. I know they didn't know that and I understand but it still hurt alot. my sister makes it WORSE if anything by not staying out of it, not listening, complaining, doing anything she can to annoy me. I almost got grounded for throwing/hitting/kicking stuff in my room and just basically destroying my room because I got mad and annoyed. I have some pictures of what I did when I was mad I had taken them and sent them to my Best Friend and talked to them about it because I was so upset about how angry I got I felt like a failure because I couldn't control my emotions.
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that was a lose branch I pulled off a tree
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I punched a hole in the door
Not being strong enough to control my emotions makes me feel so weak and stupid. I know its dumb to tell people through the Internet who probably don't care but it helps more than telling myself because I already know all of this.
(Sorry for this really fucking long rant thing. I also thought if I put a happier or more upbeat song it would make this not such a heavy subject or something like that.)
