Waiting is a mistake

Fighting with my feelings for him

I knew and felt that I feel something for him I didn't wanted to admited that it was love I said to my self that it wasn't ,that It just was an obsession or something else. But what i felt for him was so strong, i dreamed with him that me and him we were happy together. It was so stressing to me this situation because it was hard to don't doing what are you feeling and there weren't clear things to me why I liked him? If didn't like how he was?.I didn't like the way he acted I think I didn't like him but i loved him, I was so counfused and I knew that even i tried hard to people didn't know that i liked him, some people found out ,I even told some one that I liked him,I didn't know what I was thinking when I did it maybe was because that person was a senior too and she was dating a freshmen boy and she told me that she saw the boy that I liked he was stearing at me when I wasn't looked at him so felt confident to told that but I also to her that I liked other boy.It was so hard sometimes control my thoughts and i said to my self that I didn't care if he is younger than me That i wanted to give him an opportunity,But others times I said to myself that it wasn't right because I was older than him so I started putting some distance between me and him and sometimes I tried to ignore him and it hurted me so bad doing this but I knew it was the correct to do it,he always was doing things to get close to me ,but I didn't wanted to lose my mind with a freshmen boy, I remember one time that there was not sits on the bus and he was with a friend and I knew that he wanted to sat with me because I had my backpack on a sit and he looked at me like telling me to put away my backpack to sat with me but I didn't doing it and then he sat at other sit and his friend ask me to sat with me and I let him, I saw that he was kinda sad but I didn't wanted that what I felt for him grow more and was harder to stop it or that i couldn't control this and i was gonna do something stupid with him.I said to my self that if he already was 18 everything would be so different and even I gonna still be older than him I will i give him an opportunity to had something but for now not because it wasn't gonna wok because he was so inmuture to make our relationship worked and i didn't wanted to waste my time with him.