The Ghost [Marvel | Steve Rogers]

Chapter 34

Back at the JCTC he'd known he'd missed something. He was still kicking himself over not having seen that all of it—the bombing, the search, Bucky's arrest—had all be a set up to get access to Bucky until it was too late. He should have seen it.

If only he'd seen it sooner...

But that 'what if' inevitably led to the question of what might he reasonably have been able to change if he had seen it sooner.

He honestly didn't know the answer.

So he shuffled the thought away. There was no point in dwelling on it. Not when there was so much else crowding his already conflicted thoughts. Not with what they were heading for.

Siberia alone had the potential to be a bitter fight. If they had to go through their friends to get there? People they cared about? He fought against the urge to glance to Sam again.

Lord, he couldn't imagine how he'd be handling the idea of being forced to genuinely fight Nadine.

His stomach twisted once more, though this time with an unsettling mix of guilt, nerves and...most distractingly...hope.

Definitely distracting. Especially as there was a very good chance she had disappeared for good. It was the smart thing for her to do, after all. He knew she'd made it out of holding in the JCTC. Sam had mentioned he was pretty sure he'd caught a glimpse of her, and Bucky was just as sure he'd gone up against her—the man wincing sharply as he recalled throwing her through a window.

But as to whether or not she'd slipped away as they had? That they were all less certain about. And it left Steve's gut in knots of worry.

After the way she'd pulled away after he'd given in and kissed her? Steve didn't have to have her or Natasha's skills at reading people to recognize that he'd spooked her. Or that she'd wanted it but thought she couldn't—shouldn't—have it. That much had been almost painfully clear.

He'd practiced it long enough that he knew self-denial when he saw it.

So he'd resolved that the ball was in her court, as it were, and let it be no matter that part of him just wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she realized he wanted something with her just as much she did with him.

But he still really shouldn't have done it, even if he couldn't bring himself to regret it. It hadn't been a good time. Not with their search for Bucky coming to a head. He'd unbalanced her. He knew that, and part of him wondered if that hadn't been a factor in Nadine getting caught as she had. That and seeing Bucky again?

Not to mention he still hadn't known where Bucky's feelings stood when it came to her. He knew now, of course, now that he knew about Iris, though he still intended to ask when a more appropriate opportunity arose. But every bit of rationale he had pointed to his timing being wildly off.

And then their arrests and the doctor activating Bucky's programming had further complicated everything and further jeopardized the likelihood that they'd be able to confront whatever this was growing between them any time soon.

But after even the fleeting touch of his lips to hers...

He wanted more. In every way. No matter that he really shouldn't.

But he had been prepared to try valiantly to let it go. To let her go even though the very idea made his chest clench and his skin feel cold. Especially after seeing the way Bucky had been looking at her...and the way she'd been so affected by seeing Bucky again.

Though truthfully? He wasn't sure he could, anymore.

He swallowed back a groan. Maybe he should have just come out and said it. That he liked her. That he thought there was something more than friendship between them. Nadine, in many ways, was a lot like her sister, and Steve knew both she and Nat both appreciated directness. A byproduct of their days learning to deal in and speak in riddles and double entendres and hidden meanings, he imagined.