How To Be A Bitch (On Hold)

➸ six: do unto others what they do unto you

We all have our own fair share of secrets and we all have a past. A history. It's hard not to be haunted by our past because our past, our history is what shapes us. We can never run away from any of them but what we can do is remember that the most important history is the history we're making today.

For the past few days, I had been spending a lot of time with Daniel. We didn't talk most of the time, we just bickered like our life depended on it. Being with him, however, made me forget about what was actually going on in my mind. The thoughts of Ashton and how much I was still in love with him. He wasn't ignoring me but he wasn't particularly talking to me either. Our communication had cut down humongously and the only form of contact between us was a mere nod of the head or a small smile to acknowledge each other's presence.

I was okay with it, at least I tried to be. But everytime I saw him holding hands, kissing or even talking to Grace, it seemed as though my entire world was falling apart. Like there isn't any more reason to live. All I saw when that happened was a complete blur. A feeling of nostalgia smacked me straight into the face and for a moment or two or three, it seemed as though I had ceased to exist. 

Daniel made me forget about that feeling of nostalgia and complete ecstasy and brought me back to reality. His presence alone made me feel safe, guarded and sometimes his presence was all I needed to comfort myself. No words needed.

No sparks required.

∆

I was so wrapped up in my own life that I had forgotten to spend as much time with the triplets, Logan, Norman and William, like I usually did. They were home schooled since middle school which made them envy me and me in turn envy them. It was almost comical how ironic the situation was. I would give up everything in my life, even my Chevy Diana - and that's saying something - for the sake of being home schooled while the triplets on the other hand, wanted to go to school with all the other students and "experience life" as they called it.

So to make up for the lost time between us, I stayed with them till dinner time after school. Carl and Paul were making dinner together and the four of us couldn't have been happier about that. When they were alone they were like Masterchef chef's but when they were together, they could win Masterchef World and come back home. Such were their cooking skills and I am not lying at all.

The triplets and me talked about every single thing possible. From school life to our personal lifes, every single fucking thing and by the time dinner was ready, we had grown a lot closer - if that was even possible. 

Halfway through dinner, Paul spoke up in a gleeful way which meant that either he was going to buy a pet or he was going to announce something very exciting - like he was pregnant, but since he can't be, let's forget about that - so I wasn't surprised when he dropped the bomb that was being expected so eagerly from all four of us. But the destruction that bomb brought about wasn't to Hiroshima or Nagasaki. It was brought to me in the worst way possible by the words, " Jayne and Derek are coming home for two weeks."

I'm not saying that I was unhappy to hear about my siblings' soon-to-be-arrival. In fact, I wasn't even unhappy to begin with. I was actually nervous about Derek's arrival. If he stayed at home for two whole weeks then he would obviously, eventualky find out about Ashton and Grace from the secret spies he had all around the school. And I'm not even lying.

One time when I was in the sixth grade, a guy squirted ketchup all over my white dress and went around shouting that I had started PMS-ing. Derek was absent that day so I thought that he wouldn't have a single idea about that but the next day I came to know that the guy who had done that to me was beaten to a pulp by Derek Van Der Woodson. Since then, Derek has been my knight in shining armor even though I never asked him to.

But this time I didn't want him to beat Ashton to a pulp or even Grace for that matter. And that was the main reason why I didn't want Derek to come back home. "Holy sh-"

"Finish that sentence Caroline and you'll eat oatmeal for an entire week." Carl said in an authorative tone making me drop my sentence quickly.

"Holy Snitzel. Yeah, I meant holy snitzel."

The triplets and my two dads looked at me funnily probably wondering if snitzel was even a word.

It was a word. For me, at least.

∆

At some point in our life, we have to make a decision. Either to move on or to continue wallowing in self pity for ourselves. Even now, after all the things that I have been through and experienced in my life, I still believe that life is all about the choices we make. We get to choose whom we let into our life, we get to choose whom we trust. But we don't get to choose when it comes to the wrong people. Because sometimes, the people who don't deserve our trust are the ones whom we end up trusting. And in the end, they end up hurting us.

People say we should forgive and forget. We can't deny the fact that we've been hearing these words since our childhood days. It's good advice but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When people betrays us, we want to take revenge. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Like they say, old scores are never settled without revenge and old wounds never really heal. 

And the most we can hope for, is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forgive and if the moment allows itself, maybe lucky enough to even forget.