The Program

Chapter 30

Chapter 30 - ''I wish I could turn back time''

💤 Juvia Lockser 💤

I decided not to go to my graduation clearance appointment. It's a requirement, but.. I can't risk it. I can't risk Freed or Lyon seeing me.

Ever since they.. ever since they did what they did, I can't risk it.

I want to see if I have enough credits. I want to be a good student. But how can I, when they're probably right around the corner? They're on the student council, too. They're probably working with all the graduation stuff going on.

And I rather stay in here all day than risk being seen by them.

It's funny. I had so much fight in me before. They tried to make me submit to them, but I wouldn't give in.

But it was a pointless battle, a stupid attempt. I'm an idiot.

Maybe it was my fault for not trying harder?

Everything is my fault, anyway. I brought this upon myself and I messed up with Gray too.

I wish I could go back in time and prevent myself from freaking out like I did. But it was like a reflex. When he touched me, I saw him. I saw Freed.

I saw him with his knife, threatening to slice my throat if I didn't obey him.

I felt his hands on me, his tight and harsh grip leaving not only physical but emotional marks.

And no matter how many showers I take..

The feeling won't leave.

Is this how it's always going to be? I thought I moved on from this once I got away from my abusive parents.

I thought everything was going to be.. okay.

But now it's back to square one. I'm back to being the same depressed and scared girl I use to be. The girl who wouldn't dare taking a chance. The girl who was constantly on edge.

The girl who I thought I no longer was, but has been there all along.

The first person I told about my parents was Gray. I wish I could tell him what happened now. 

I could see it in his eyes how badly he wants to help me, but I can't. I just can't.

Not only because of my own pain, but because that could potentially put him in danger too.

As long as I'm here, as long as Freed and Lyon are on this campus, I'll always be in danger.

Who am I kidding?

Even if I gather the courage to tell him, to tell someone, I'll still be in danger because what they did will always be in my mind.

God, I should've listened. There were so many red flags. Everyone warned me.

But I didn't listen.