Strange Start

Chapter 13

Enough Losing.

Nat's P.O.V.

I was running to the rendezvous point after yet another explosion. James. They're here. My heart filled with anticipation and angst. Finally I could hold him again. This time I won't ever let go. But when we arrive, there awaited another heartbreak. Steve on the floor, wounded, and almost dead. I slowly went near him. In that moment, I didn't care about the submarine escaping with my son. I was thinking of another loss. One after another. I was sure I made a lot of mistakes way back, but I am cleaning them off my ledger. I'd deserve this punishment but I'm pretty sure Steve doesn't. James doesn't. He's just a child. And Steve is a man who did nothing but good. I should be in his place. I should be the one here dying.

I picked up his shattered helmet ready to carry him. A paper fell and I took it. It was our picture with James.

A tear escaped from my lids, and another, and then it never stopped. "Don't do this to me Steve." I repeated. I touched his neck to feel his pulse, now more determined to save him. Thank God it's there. I studied his wounds. Two gun shot to his side, burn from his neck to the hips on the right and a dagger stuck in his right foot. Think. Think. I placed him at my back ang carried him to the jet.

It has been a week since the encounter, and he hasn't woken up. No news from Ivanov too. But Sam assured that he'll track them once they've resurfaced. Everyone helped, even Clint visited. He'll be here until everything turns fine, he says.

"Now everyone's working except you sleepyhead." I said to Steve's sleeping form. I looked at the frame on his bedside table. It was our picture with our son. I want it to be the first thing that he sees once he wakes up. "Now, will you do me a favor and wake up? Please?" I begged and I prayed, every day when I pay a visit. Another tear has threatened to fall when the doctor came in and managed to hide it. I didn't care about her, I just stared at Steve and thought about our son. We could've played and have fun if all this hadn't happen, like perfect family.

"He'll be fine." I looked at the doctor, speaking with her thick British accent, confused by her sudden remarks. "I've been through that. Looking at someone so dear almost dead." A sudden realization has hit me. She thinks that we're. . .

"Oh-uh no-no. . . We're not uhmm. ." I stuttered. I can already feel my cheeks warming. I can't believe this.Why the hell are you blushing, Romanoff?

"Oh! Sorry. I really thought that he is that special. But you were often here than not and you're currently holding his hand so. . ." she defended as she awkwardly did her stuff. I looked down at our hands interwined. Are you really that special to me? I looked up to see Steve's face.

I admit, I have been admiring Steve since. But I guess I'm so into that idea that Steve is to good for a monster like me. And so I tried to turn that feeling to someone like me, like Bruce. Thinking now, I still feel guilty about using Bruce. But fuck that idea. All I can think about now is how to live my life without this dork in a big man's body.

"You haven't told him yet, have you?" she asked, pity in her eyes. "Oh. You gotta let that out. . ." she said finishing her check up. "It took me 4 772 hours in another planet to finally admit to my bestfriend." she continued smiling.

"But he's not for me." I said, a sorrowful smile on my lips.

"Do you really think that matters? No one can arrange that but you." I looked up to her, thankful for what she said. I guess I really needed that. "Wounds are healing, vitals are stable. He'll live." she said, patting Steve's arm.

"Thank you, Dr. Simmons." I thanked when she was about to go.

"Oh. It's Dr. Fitz now. I just got married to my bestfriend yesterday." she added before going with a sweet smile.

She married her bestfriend. Would there be a chance for me to marry my bestfriend too? That got me thinking, if hadn't gone through the red room, would I also be like her? A wife in Russia? But I guess this became a blessing in disguise. If it weren't for that KGB mission, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be an Avenger. And I wouldn't meet Steve. But that was one hell lot of disguise for a blessing to be such cruel.

I was back in the Avengers lounge from Steve to see Clint and Sam in the living room. They looked at me when I entered.

"Hey Boys." I called with a smirk as sat down with them.

"How's Steve?" Sam asked.

"Getting better." I replied with a shrug.

"How are you?" Clint asked.

"Getting better? I guess." I replied with an uncertain look.

"Ok. It's my turn to look after Cap. Friday can monitor things regarding James so don't bother looking. It's your turn to rest alright?" I've not been sleeping too much. Who can in a situation like this? I'm grateful for Sam's concern but I honestly don't want to leave Steve. But I really need to rest, and I thanked Sam for his act.

"Yeah. Well, you seem helpless without me." he said which earned a snicker from me and Clint. These past few days, I've been going back and forth from the lab and Steve. Searching leads on where their destination might be alongside all the other agents. When nothing seems to improve, I go back to Steve, only visiting my room if I ever needed bath. But it seemed hopeless. The only ever way to trace their destination is if they've resurfaced again. But I know we'll find them. I never gave up hope on having a family with James.

Not too long after our conversation, Tony came with an armload of luggage.

"Woah. Woah. Where're you headed to? Tahiti?" Sam joked as Tonu struggled to place his things on the floor and sat on the couch with his legs crossed. Clint laughed.

"I haven't got that face since Laura kicked me out." Clint said which earned Stark an uncomfortable laugh.

"How's Steve?" Tony asked, trying to divert the conversation.

"Gosh! You've been kicked out by Pepper!?" I asked which made Sam and Clint laugh even more.

"Ha-ha-ha. Very funny birdbrain. Even funnier now that you have your fellow bird laughing with ya'." Tony joked with an unenthusiastic tone.

"Seriously man. You gotta man up." Sam adviced.

"What do you know about being married Wilson?" Tony questioned, Sam just shrugged it off.

"Yeah he's right man. I needed a month leave from work just to make up for whatever I did. She ended up saying sorry in the end. She said it was because of pregnant hormones surging." Clint laughed, but Tony's face was blank.

"Tony?" I called,

"Nausea. Puking. P-pepper is pregnant?" Stark stated, still with a blank face.

"What?" Sam asked, a little confused of the happening.

"Congrats man." Clint said.

"Now, our James can have a playmate once he gets back." a said, half merrily.

"But-but I'm. . . My hearts is-. . . OH. MY. GOD!"

Stark abruptly dashed to the door. Probably going back to Pepper. Now he's having a family. And I still have to complete my family. The next day, after a lot of sleep, I went to Steve just to check on him. Tell him about the good news, eventhough he can't hear it. I arrived seeing Sam peacefully sleeping on the couch near Steve's bed. I neared at Steve's bed and sat on the edge of the bed beside him.

"Hi, Steve." I just stared at him, holding his hand. When there was no response I continued. "Stark will have a child of his own. Why don't you wake up now? Let's save our James and show him off to Stark?" I chuckled. I sounded like a competitive mother. I waited for a response, but when there was none, I kissed his hand and whispered. "I really wish you'd wake up now. Tell you how much you mean to me and to never make me afraid of losing you again." I said, remembering our conversation with Agent Jemma Fitz. I've decided to confess everything once he wakes up. I've been keeping this for years, but I won't keep it now. I won't let anything like this to happen again before I confess. I was about to stand up when I felt him grip my hand harder. I looked at him with eyes full of anticipation. His eyes were closed.

"Five more minutes. Just stay with me."