gone (stucky)

chapter 5 // long way home

A/N: i watched TWS tonight and i forgot how heartbreaking that movie is for me. so prepare for some soft ass stucky moments in this. i need to write to release my pain. :)
also there is a bit of a time jump to where Steve asked Bucky to stay in his apartment (for "safety reasons") and now they are living together.

Song // Long Way Home: 5 Seconds Of Summer

~nightmare~

2014

"Mission report." Alexander Pierce spoke with a harshness in his voice. The soldier said nothing, he felt nothing. Nothing except a paining realization of what he had done earlier that day.

He had almost killed someone. Someone important. And not important to his mission, important to Bucky, the old Bucky he felt no connection to anymore. He knew he couldn't kill him, so he didn't.

"Mission report." Pierce's voice was much more stern now as he repeated himself. When Bucky didn't respond the man slapped him, leaving a stinging feeling across his face. "The man on the bridge" Bucky began, his voice hoarse. "Who was he?" He questioned. Pierce gave some half-assed excuse of an answer and Bucky began again, "I knew him." Bucky had seen the face, the hair, the eyes.

Alexander got up and went to one of the many guards surrounding Bucky. He couldn't hear what they were talking about exactly, only heard what sounded like "prep him". Bucky already knew what was coming.

The pain, oh god the pain he felt. It stung, everything burned inside of his head. He felt powerless, yet so strong.

~end of nightmare~

2017

Bucky woke up in a jolt and in a puddle of sweat and what he thought were tears. "Oh no. Did i do it again?"
He looked around as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and realized he was still in his room, not in Steve's with a passed out Steve next to him.

Bucky had nightmares every night but ever so often he wouldn't be in control of his actions. He'd end up in Steve's room, his metal hand wrapped around his roommates neck, slowing draining the life out of him. Steve always somehow got Bucky to snap out of it, but Steve was almost always so weak he'd end up passing out from the lack of air in his lungs before Bucky could do anything.

Bucky got up and walked out of his room and down the hall to the kitchen. He looked at the clock and spotted the time, 6:37 am. Huh, this nightmare happened later than the normal ones, then again he'd hadn't had one about him being back at Hydra, only ones about him hurting Steve and ones that showed Bucky killing his best friend, which thankfully didn't happen.

Steve was normally on a run with Sam this time of the day so Bucky was confused on why Steve was still home. Just then Steve walked groggily out of his room on the other end of the hall and was surprised to see Bucky up so early.

"Hey Buck, what are you doing up?". Bucky didn't really want to tell him the truth because it'd been happening to often now. "Couldn't sleep I guess." Steve knew it was a lie. He knew his friend way too well to think that was the truth. Steve cocked his head to the side a little with a face of, "you expect me to believe that?". "Cmon Bucky tell me the truth." Bucky didn't want to tell him he'd had another nightmare for like the 10th night in a row, but he did because if there's one thing you don't do to Steve Rogers, it's lie. It's like he has some sort of radar for lies. (a/n: idek what this line is help)

"Fine. I had another nightmare" Bucky threw his hands in the air beside him. "Happy?" Bucky sat on one of the stools by the island and put his head in his hands. "Bucky it's ok, everyone has them it's nothing to-" "That's the thing Steve, I get them too often, not everyone gets them every single damn night."

Bucky was holding back tears when he noticed the blonde pull out a seat next to him and take his metal hand in his own hand. "Bucky no one has gone through what you have. You have a right to have trauma from everything that has happened to you. Bucky I never want you to feel like you can't tell me things ok? Because you can. I never gave up on you even after you tried to kill me. That right there is a dedicated friendship." Steve ended his small speech with a joke to lighten the mood a bit. Bucky felt so blessed to have someone like Steve because honestly he didn't know what he'd do without that punk.

This is our reality
Crazy, stupid, you and me
We know this is the way it's supposed to be

~time skip boom boom whoosh~

"Hey Buck i'm back." Steve just got back from a meeting at the new Avengers building Tony relocated them to. When Steve sat all his things down on the kitchen counter he noticed how oddly quiet it was in his usually lively apartment, with Bucky always trying to learn how to use the TV... and fix it when he messed up the settings.

Steve walked into Bucky's room and found a freshly made bed and a note on Bucky's bed side table.

Steve read it aloud:

Hey Steve,
I decided to leave town for a bit. I don't know when i'll be back, just know you had nothing to do with it. I cant trust my own head right now. I promise you when i know that i can't hurt you anymore, i'll come back. I promise ok punk?

Remember I'm with you till the end of the line right? I'm sorry to leave you with a crappy note as a goodbye, but i couldn't wait i'm sorry.

~Bucky

Steve was shellshocked. Bucky couldn't have left... could he? Everything was fine yesterday they went about their normal days and everything. Why now did he decide to leave?

Steve looked at Bucky's calendar hanging on his wall. The date was July 3rd. Bucky leaves the day before his birthday. "When I said I wanted a big birthday present I didn't mean this." Steve sighed as he plopped down on Bucky's bed taking in its unusual coldness. Whenever Steve had nightmares he would bunk with Bucky, and vice-a-versa. Steve looked out the window behind Bucky's desk.

"Where are you Buck?"

So we're taking the long way home
Cause I don't wanna be wasting my time alone

Steve didn't want to be alone on his birthday. I mean he'd be with the avengers, but thats not the same as being with Bucky, like when they were kids. Every year Steve and Bucky would go to Coney Island and watch fireworks at the beach. It was tradition. It was home.

A/N: so yeah this isn't like super soft stucky but next chapter will be (there's a plot twist :)))))