gone (stucky)

chapter 4 // in my blood (pt. 1)

Song // In My Blood: Shawn Mendes

A/N: this is an AU where civil war doesn't happen. But there still is drama with Tony and the accords but they peacefully deal with it and Bucky isn't involved.  Because that way i can make it in the future and have Steve and Bucky not reunite yet.

2016

Steve wanders mindlessly into the coffee shop with his sunglasses and ball cap as his cover up. With the whole drama with the accords he can't really afford to be seen right now. He walks up to the barista and asks for his usual, an 'iced americano'. (for the iced americano).

He eventually gets his drink and sits down and puts his backpack on the table in front of him. He takes his laptop out and opens up Google Chrome. He's wanted to lookup news stories about Bucky for a few months now, but he just couldn't force himself to type the words. After the page loads, Steve's screen is flooded with suggested stories titling, "The Winter Soldier strikes again." And other variations of the sort. It hurt Steve to see people calling his best friend, his bucky, things like a monster, and much worse. Steve is scrolling through an article published by The New York Times posted back when Bucky was still a threat, when someone appears through the second entrance of the coffee shop, someone very important.

~Bucky POV~

I walked into the store with my head low and hair slicked back into a loose ponytail and a baseball cap. All I wanted was a drink and then I planned on leaving, trying not to draw too much attention to myself. Then I saw him. The man on the bridge from last year. Except he's not any man, it was Steve. My best friend and the man I loved with all my screwed up heart.

That was one thing I knew while on that bridge, and on the helicarrier. I knew who Steve was, well rather that he wasn't just "Captain America... my mission". It was Steve Rogers, my best friend since practically diapers. I never wanted to hurt him then, in fact I protected him then, so why would I hurt him now.

I felt like everything was crumbling around me when I noticed it was Steve. No matter how much i tried to forget how much i loved him, i could never . After going to all those museums trying to restore as much of my memory as I could, I remembered something. I remembered every time i would admire Steve when we were younger. The moment when I turned 17 where i realized i was in love with him. But those memories also came with the bittersweet realization I would never see him again, at least I wouldn't be myself. I'd be that monster that's trapped inside of me, sent by Hydra to kill my best friend.

"Should i go talk to him?
No no that's stupid. He hates you, you almost killed him." I kept pondering with myself.
"But you also saved him."

I took every amount of courage I had and started walking toward him, every nerve in my body on edge. I couldn't breathe, I was terrified.

Every memory came rushing to my mind.

One in particular kept replaying in my head. 

Help me
It's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough

~flashback~

March 10th ,1934

"Hey Bucky". Steve approached the birthday boy with a mischievous grin on his face. Bucky turned around to face his friend and noticed his look of 'hey Buck look i'm planning something you won't like.' "Steve what are you planning now?" Steve had to admit he did always plan something huge for Bucky's birthday. He couldn't help it, Bucky always did the most for Steve on his birthday, so Steve had to return the favor.

"Bucky it's your birthday, you should know by now i'm gonna do something that you say you'll hate but end up loving the hell out of it." Bucky had to say, he was right. He always complained about how excessive Steve was with his birthday shenanigans, but he did always enjoy them... every single time. "Now cmon get dressed! We're going out." Steve walked out of Bucky's doorway with a smile and a gleam in his eye.

~time skip brought to you by the iconic 'boom boom whoosh' presented by Stephen Strange~

The boys had just stepped off their third ride of the night at Coney Island. Up next was the one Steve was most nervous for, The Cyclone, was what the sign hung up on the side of the huge rollercoaster read. "Steve you ok? Not getting cold feet are you?" Bucky jokes with that last one, only half meaning it. Steve always got nervous when it came to stuff like this, big things that could easily trigger one of his many ailments. Bucky showered his walking-pace and joined Steve at his side, "I'm fine Buck, little nervous that's all. But yknow me." Steve ended his sentence with a halfhearted giggle and began walking up the platform to the line for the ride.

~another time skip: boom boom whoosh~

The boys got off the intense ride and Steve was already feeling queasy, all the turns and bumps on the ride made his food from earlier in the night make his stomach act up. "Hey Bucky, i'm gonna uhm... head to the bathroom real quick." Steve broke their short silence, his words slurring together and his face looking a sickly green. Steve began to walk off with Bucky trailing behind him, but before they made it into the bathroom Steve was hurling up his food in a near by bush, his friend rubbing his back with his hand. "It's ok, Stevie. It's alright." Once Steve had finished for the money they walked into the bathroom and straight into a stall. "Bucky..." Steve lifted his up from the toilet momentarily. "I'm so sorry I ruined your birthday. I know you really wanted to ride other stuff. I'm really sorry." Bucky looked at his poor and sick friend with nothing but love and sympathy in his eyes. "Are you kidding Stevie? Tonight was awesome. You actually rode The Cyclone! That's a big deal for you! You don't have to be sorry ok? Tonight was amazing, thank you." The way Steve looked up at his friend and smiled made something inside Bucky click. As Steve returned to spewing his guts out, Bucky thought to himself that he didn't just love Steve 'as a friend', but maybe as something more. 

~end of flashback~

Steve was still looking at his computer screen when a shadow appeared over him. He looked up and immediately noticed the eyes, then the hair... then everything else.

"Bucky?"

A/N: Henlo! so i just saw that this is actually rated in #stucky. Number 362 which isn't that impressive i just think it's cool haha!  but anyway i'm making this one a two parter as well!