Weirdos are Living in My House

chapter 18 Shoplifting

It was Saturday.  Kelly and I had been shopping. I had a new shirt, in a bag, which I had paid for out of my clothes allowance, and a new bra, over my old bra, which I had not. My mom said she was tired of fighting with me about clothes, and I could just buy my own out of my portion of the family allowance money, which came from the government every month. It was sent to every mother with children, no matter how rich or poor they were. My portion of the family allowance money did not buy very many clothes, and sometimes I had to save up to get something I really wanted. Or, if there was something I really, really wanted, and couldn't wait, I asked Dad. Dad understood about me wanting to have the same clothes other girls had, but Mom didn't. I don't know why she didn't. She wore the same kinds of clothes that her friends did, and bought Dan the same kinds of clothes his friends wore. She bought Hatty cute little outfits that she looked adorable in. But if Mom did surprise me with something, it was ugly. Maybe she just didn't notice what Grade Eight girls thought was nice, or maybe she thought ugly was good enough for me, which wasn't a very happy thought.  She said it was ridiculous to think that she deliberately bought me ugly things, because it was a waste of money to buy clothes I wouldn't wear.  So that's how I got my clothes allowance.

Kelly had a pack of cigarettes, because she was determined to learn to smoke, and wanted to to do it at my house because there was always so much cigarette smoke in the air that no one would notice a bit more, and no one but me would see if she coughed or threw up or did something else that might have embarrassed her. We came in the front door and ran for the hallway to my room, but I stopped dead in my tracks because my mom was talking about me. She was in the kitchen with her friend Nicola. I'd seen Nicola's car outside, and could hear Hatty playing with Nicola's daughter downstairs, so I knew it was her.

It's always interesting to hear what other people have to say about you when they don't know you're listening. What my mom was saying is: "I don't know if Sarah had a good time in Dawson Creek this summer. She didn't say much about it." And then Nicola said: "Perhaps she's stopped mythologizing the place. From what you've said about it, it's bloody awful." and then my mom said: "It's a  bleak, dead place full of morons and farmers." and Nicola said, "isn't that a redundant statement," and they both laughed. Kelly had already gone into my bedroom, but she came back out and listened with me. Redundant meant that you'd said something twice, like huge and big, when you only needed to say "large" once. I felt very indignant. Farmers weren't morons. At least they did something useful, growing food. You couldn't eat words, which was all Mom's friends grew.  

Speaking of morons, the latest bunch were real doozies. A few of Mom's teachers - professors, she called them, had started coming to the house and joining in the "discussions." On Friday night, one of them had gone on and on about taking acid "so he could record his observations and academically study the phenomenon" which any farmer worth his salt would have called bullshit on.   He was one of those pontifical types who "posed hypothesis" and "discussed variables."  My hypothesis was that he was a moron who wanted an excuse to take acid and not look like a loser, but of course I didn't say that.  I wanted them to notice me, but I didn't want to get drawn into any discussion.  It was very late. They were noisy, and I wanted to go to sleep but they were keeping me awake.   They even woke Hatty up and made her cry, and and of course I had to deal with it.  I rubbed her back and said it was all right, and she fell asleep again.  I decided to pass through the living room in my pajamas, in the hope that someone would notice it was late, there were children in the house, and they should all go home. But it didn't work.

"I guess that might be the end of Sarah's summer vacations," my mom said now, and she didn't sound happy. "The tension level around here drops as soon as she leaves." So that answered the question of whether she missed me or not. Kelly stood very close to me and didn't say anything."I feel like she's always judging me," my Mom continued, wirth a little laugh. "She puts out these waves of disapproval."  Nicola said: "Teenagers," And then Mom said: "Why can't she be more like Dan?" Kelly did squeeze my hand then.  She liked Dan, but she knew I was jealous of him. She also knew that Dan wasn't nearly the angel my Mom seemed to think he was, and if I got up to half of what he did, like coming home drunk or stoned or making out with his girlfriend in his bedroom, I'd be grounded for life.  But he was a boy, so it was okay.  Mom talked a good talk about gender equality and the problem of double standards, but she didn't walk the walk.