Just another bad boy

Chapter 20

Today is my mothers funeral.

I have been at Blakes place for a week now. I can't quit say that it feels like home because its not. It will never be my home.

I am standing infront of the mirror. I don't feel like that strong condient girl that I used to be. I am now weak. All I do is cry. There is nothing that Blake can do. Even if he did, i'm not sure if I would want him to. 

I don't go out anymore. I mostly stay in my room that Blake gave me and do nothing. I feel like its not worth it anymore. That when its time to stop greving that nothings going to change. I will still be the daughter that has no parents. The daughter that is now a weak little girl.

As I stear at the fragil girl that is staring back at me. I pat down my dress and move a loose strand of hair behind my ear and I frown. 

I decide to go back to my bed and just sit there intill it was time to leave. I didn't bother going down stairs so I was for Blake to come and get me. Then I walk down with him. 

I hear a knock on the door followed by Blake sticking his head inside the room.

"You ready to go?"

"I don't think I can do this. I'm not strong enough Blake"

"You are the strongest girl that I know"

"Your just saying that. I don't want your pitty Blake"

"I'm not. But what I said is true"

I lift my head up and look at him. He is the type of person that cares for others. Yeah he might have had a past that got him in trouble. But it doesn't make him a bad person. Everyone has a past that they don't want others to know. Cause they were afraid of what others would think. That they would just walk out of their lives. That's why I never left his said and I know for a fact that he will never leave mine. I truly care about him as a person and that's all that matters. Right?

"I think I'm ready"

-*-

We arrived at the funeral home and the second I stepped out of the car people surrounded me. Saying how they are sorry for my loss. That its not my fault. When in reality it is my fault. I know that people have been telling me that ts not my fault. But I don't believe them. They don't know what happened that day. Only Blake and I do. That's it.

I kept my head down and Blake wrapped an arm around my waist and lead me inside were a good amount of people were. Once again the second they saw me, they walked over and said there apologies. 

I wanted to leave. Forget and pretend that this is all a stupid dream. That I will wake up and everything would be the way its suppose to be. Nothing different. My mom would still be here or on one of her business trips and I will be sitting at home eating popcorn and watching a movie. But as I look around I know that will never happen. That nothing is going to be like it was before. My world has changed and so have I.

Blake sat me down in the front row and told me that he would be right back. He didn't need to say anything because its not like I am going anywhere. Well not anytime soon. 

He returns but I don't say anything, The Reverend start to talk about my mother and how she was a wonderful lady. They he says my name.

"Now a few words from her daughter" 

Everyone looks at me and I don't know if I should go up there. I look at everyone and they are waiting for me to get out of my seat and speak.

"You can do this Cassie. I believe in you" Blake whispered in me ear. I gave him a little nod and got up from my seat and made my way up to the post. 

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I stare at Blake and I see him nod.

"My mother and me never had that strong bond. She was always to busy to dedicate her time for me. She would always say that she had more important things to do. I grew up that way my whole life. In the beginning I felt like she loved her job more than me. As the years went by I started to believe that it was true. That I was never important enough. But to this day I have always loved her. Even though she wasn't there.

We made a promise that day she died. That promise was to start having that mother daughter relationship that I always wanted. That we would finally sit down and watch a movie together. But sadly that promise didn't fall through on her part. Even though she isn't here with us today, I will still hold onto that promise. Cause I know someday that we will see each other again. I love you mom. You will always be in my heart"

When I was done talking. I stepped down and made my way back to where Blake was sitting, and he had a smile on his face

"You did good. I knew that you could do it"

"Thanks"

The Reverend said a couple more words and it was over. The cemetery was across the street from the church. We all walked over.

They set the casket in the ground and that was it. My mom was really gone.

 And she won't becoming back home.

A/N

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Becca <3