numb. (a shota aizawa and bnha fanfiction)

chapter two

"No, I don't want to go to court again, Akira," I said into my phone, sitting down onto the edge of the couch. "Don't do this to me."

"I don't want to, Mei-"

"Don't call me that."

He seemed shocked, clearing his throat and being silent for a moment. His breath was uneasy.

"I don't want to do this to anyone, especially Hiroki, but I don't see you being a good role model to him," he said slowly, using his calm voice that I know is a front.

"Akira, tell me what you really want," I said softly, taking a shallow breath and fighting back tears. I tapped my foot nervously on the ground and clutched the edge of the couch cushion. The lights were off and the curtains were barely open, only allowing a stream of light to flood the room, my bag and keys strewn across the coffee table littered with Hiroki's toys.

He sighed. "I just want everything to be better, for both of us. And Hiroki."

I weighed his words. "So by taking Hiroki away from me, you'll make it better?"

He was silent. I ran a hand through my short brown hair and took a shaky breath. My hair fell from its bun. I was going to cry, it was only a few more minutes.

"Mei, we both know that it's best that he's with me," he said slowly. "My parents agree, and my place is better suited for him anyway."

"Akira," I said softly, choking up. "Please."

"I'm sorry, Mei, but it's for the best. I'll have our attorney send the papers. I want full custody of Hiroki."

The line clicked. I dropped my phone onto the floor and my body let out a tremor. My body couldn't feel, my mind couldn't think, couldn't process, I just couldn't. My whole life stopped. My whole life, Hiroki, will be stripped from me.

I decided crying over would be useless, but I let myself cry anyway. I needed to. I had so much built up within me from the past few days that I just needed to get it all out. It was so hard for me to let out like this, I had to be responsible. I was a mother. A diligent worker, a nurse, a hero. I never got breaks like this. Breaks to let out everything I hold in.

I flicked the TV on for background noise, just something to remind me that I wasn't alone even though I was the farthest from not being. I had virtually no one, it seemed. My best friend used to be my husband, and now, well, now he's my ex best friend, and ex husband. My son was my little light, with his dark brown hair and big green eyes. A toothy smile and freckles scattered across his face. And now he's slipping away from me too.

I suppose I had Tsu, but I never really bothered to get close to her and it would be strange to start that now after working with her for eight years. I was working with her before Hiroki was born. Plus, she thinks we already are friends, just that our dynamics are odd. Acting more friendly than usual could cause alarm.

I shook my head, smiling and laughing to myself as I sniffed and rubbed my eyes. My cheeks were wet, and undoubtedly, pink and swollen from my tears. I grabbed a tissue from my coffee table and blew my nose softly. I sniffled again, taking a few deep breathes to try to compose myself.

I'm not losing Hiroki, I knew that much. Somehow, someone or something will save me from that. Will save me from losing the one thing dear to me.

I got up and went to my bathroom, the TV droned on about heroes and played their pointless commercials about coffee or hair products. I held my face as I looked into the mirror, gazing in awe at the pure redness of it. My makeup was nearly completely gone. It ran like black ribbons down my cheeks, which were swollen with red sadness and blotched with darker red spots. I fanned my face with my hands, turning on the faucet and letting the water run cold before I splashed it on my face.