Angels & Kings

Chapter 27,28

Gabe watched me for a second before opening his mouth, “I don’t want to upset even more or anything but I just have to ask, what was it with you and me? I thought you liked me but then I find out that you were with Travis the whole time.”

I took a deep breath. “Gabe, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to lie to you and I felt really bad but I couldn’t risk anyone finding out about Travis and I.”

He nodded. “So why are you crying over someone who talks to you like that?”

I sighed. “He was angry, Gabe. He didn’t mean those things he said. He loves me.”

“I think you deserve better than that. If I had you, I would never talk to you like that no matter what.”

I smiled feebly, “You’re sweet.”

“So then why don’t you like me?”

“I do! You’re a great guy. You’re smart, fun, handsome…the truth is if I wasn’t with Travis I’d be all over you.”

I felt myself getting tired. I’d lost track of how many shots I’d done. Gabe helped me to his bunk. “Do you mind sleeping here? All of the other bunks are full, but I can sleep on the couch if you want me to.”

“Don’t be silly. This is your bunk I don’t want to put you out,” I slurred. He helped me climb into his bunk and then followed after me. Our bodies were so close I could feel his hot breath on my face and the smell of the alcohol on it was strong. Or was that my own? He put his arms around me pulling me closer letting his mouth stay in very close proximity to mine. He began kissing me and I let him. Deep down something was telling me that this was wrong but the alcohol along with my burning need to forget today and all that had happened stopped me from pushing him away. Instead I gave in kissing him back sloppily, unzipping his ever-present hoodie, and letting my lowered inhibitions make my decisions for me.

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The next morning when I awoke the buses had stopped and the bright sun outside have me an instant headache. My mouth felt incredibly dry and my whole body ached. I turned over to ask Travis what time it was and realized that the body next to me did not belong to Travis. Suddenly last night’s events came rushing back: the fight, following Gabe back to his bus, the drinking…the sex. Oh my god, what had I done? I scrambled to find my clothes, climbed over Gabe, and used Cobra’s bathroom to wash myself up quickly. I ran back to GCH’s bus not knowing what would be waiting for me when I got back.

When I climbed up the stairs of the bus, I saw Travis sitting at the table. He looked tired and miserable like he had been waiting there all night. All he did was look up at me when I walked in. I stood frozen at the top of the steps waiting for him to say something. He stood up and walked over to me. He put his arms around me, burying his head in my shoulder, “Callie-Cat, I’m so sorry for last night…I didn’t mean it, you know that right? I was angry but that’s no excuse; I never should have said those things. I love you, I promise nothing like that will ever happen again. Do you forgive me?” He held me by both of my shoulders and searched my face with his eyes. He looked so sincere.

I wanted to tell him that I forgave him; to forget about everything that had happened last night, but I couldn’t lie. “I slept with Gabe,” I said quietly. At that he completely deflated, sinking onto the couch. I tried to explain, “Travis, I’m sorry. I was hurt and angry and full of tequila. I never meant to hurt you; it just happened.” He still didn’t speak. “Travis? Please say something. Anything.”

I was waiting for something; for him to get angry, to explode, but instead he said very calmly, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“What?! What do you mean?”

“I mean all we do is hurt each other. People who are in love aren’t supposed to do that. I don’t think it’s supposed to be this hard.”

“So are you saying you don’t want to be with me anymore?”

“I love you Callie. I want us to be together. I just don’t think we should be together,” he said gently. “I think it would be better that way.”

“Ok,” I said trying to make sense of what he was saying. “So I guess we’re breaking up then.”

“Yeah I guess so.” He looked just as sad as I felt. I had been waiting for this; for a chance to be with Travis. Then I had gotten it and as fast as it started, it was over with. I couldn’t understand how one person could make you so happy and yet cause you the most misery. I kissed him on the cheek before standing up and leaving the bus.

I hated the crybaby Travis had turned me into, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt lost, like everything I knew was crashing down. I began to cry; for me, for Travis, and I realized that I was crying a little for Nonnie too. I missed my best friend and I needed her now more than ever. I headed in the direction of Fall Out Boy’s bus hoping that my best friend could see past her anger and be my best friend again.