The Silver Soul

20

I don't know how long I've been in bed for. Toriel says it's only been three days, but that's can't be right. It feels so much longer than just three days.

I want, more than anything, to go out. To feel the cold of snow. The fire burning inside has grown stronger and hotter. I actually want to train with Undyne. I want to push my body and magic to its limits. It'd be better than laying under a blanket for another day.

I can't sleep either.

Nightmares.

Images of the gold crown and silver tiara haunt me, along with the faces of Snowdrake and the dead Froggit. I see the sword, its silver shine obscured by the dark blood that coats it. I see his face, bled white and muscles slack, a stab wound at his side.

I almost killed him I almost killed him I almost killed him I almost killedhim ialmostkilledhim ialmostkilledhimialmostkilledhimialmostkilledhimialmostkille-

STOP!

Breathing heavily, I sit up and reach for the book on my bedside table. Flicking open the pages, I forget my worries as I disappear from this world.

"Hey there kid." I almost drop the book in my hands, and I look up in time to see Sans stroll in. Bracing myself for the lecture to come, I put the book on my lap and tug the blanket up more so that I can hide under it when the time comes.

"Hey."

Three...two...one...

"Right, what were you thinking exactly? Didn't ya think that we'd be able to handle the problem?" The he says 'problem' sends a shiver up my spine. "All of us, even Alphys, has had enough experience with fighting to take him down, yet you go off, not tellin' anyone, and fight him yourself." The tiny pinpricks of light in his eyesockets have all but disappeared. I wonder if now would be a good time to run. "Lemme tell ya kid, when I saw you, half-dead in the snow, you know what went through my head?" A blue light enters his otherwise empty left eyesocket. I feel myself shrinking away, wanting to be literally anywhere but here. "I thought that I had lost another friend. I thought that I had let everyone down. That's what I thought." The light is strong now, and casts my bed in its cobalt hue.

"Sans, I-"

"I don't wanna hear it," he says, putting a hand up to my face.

"Give me a chance to explain myself at least," I say, pitching my voice so that I'm almost yelling.

We lock gazes, eyeing each other down. I am not about to back down and neither is he. Finally, he speaks, his voice a soft growl. I'm treading on thin ice here. Any pressure of any sort, and it'll break.

I go on, choosing my words with care. "I kno-knew Michael well enough to know that he never wanted to kill me. And he knows that I would never kill him too." Swallowing, I bring up the repressed memories, the ones of us together. "I knew that if I had told anyone, they would've tried to stop him. And either he would've died, or other monsters could've died."

"So? A trained member of the Royal Guard could've dealt with it." His words sting like venom. Why hadn't I done that?

Because I'm a self-absorbed idiot, who only thinks for herself. No wonder Michael wanted to change me. I would want to make myself submissive too.

It's my fault that those innocent monsters died. It's my fault that the other monsters almost died. It's my fault I almost died.

Shuddering at what could have been, I shut my eyes, only to find no solace in the darkness. Half-formed dust piles reach out to me, moaning and screaming. The yelling fills my ears, so full of pain that it makes the hairs on my neck stand up and my chest tighten. Their faces, oh god, half-melted, with two, large empty pits where the eyes would've been, and a smaller pit under them. Their cold, white fingers brush against my arm and I retch violently.