The Dauntless

Little moments like these

''So,how is my favorite kitten in the world?'' murmured a calm and even voice coming from over the window which belonged to my best friend Alex.Screw the *kitten* remark,but I really did not wanna tell him how I felt and how I've been lately..It's bad enough that our names are basically the same and now he needs to know what I feel each and every second of the day?No.

I focused on drying my clothes in front of the little dryer on the wall while stepping on my tip toes.I made a funny face as I imagined how funny I must've looked.I blinked couple of times trying to get back into reality and not get lost in my own brain.

''Uhm,I'm fine honey,why do you ask?'' I turned my back on the dryer as I spoke and looked towards Alex but I have not expected him to be frowning and having that little worrying shine to his eyes that Svetlana had too.

''Because I do not wanna hear-I'm fine.'' he leaned his head a bit against the wall putting his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.His blonde hair ruffling and making a mess and flopping at the sides.

''Oh,funny you say that.I mean,I'm okay,nothing weird is happening or anything,you know me,I never change..'' I spoke as I finally looked at myself in the huge mirror that covered a whole wall in the girls' bathroom,yes,a guy is in a girls' bathroom.Why,you ask?Because he's my best friend.

Big blue,greyish eyes met me and my reflection stared at me like their life depends on it.The collar bones as vivid and apparent as make up,stuck out of my neck.My shoulder blades were hollow at the sides and my hair that reached the middle of my back looked as pale as ever,like a peeled almond,the soft white and beige color around and in my face,as I realised.I looked like a ghost.I'm probably supposed to catch a cold or something.I probably can't go without one since I spent one hour wet from neck to toes.

''Change is good.'' said Alex as he approached me from behind and put his arms around me,to probably warm me up.These little acts of kindness and love are us,I mean I wanna be free to touch the people I love.Okay-that literally sounded so fucking wrong I can't even begin to explain on how many levels.I mean,I was always-as a kid- afraid of people touching me,afraid something bad's gonna happen,I've been afraid of touch.I might have some ideas why,but never really thought about it.Alex hugging me felt like home more than my entire house did,and you can bet alongside me that,that place has stopped being a home a while ago..

''I don't think so.Every change in my life so far has been bad.I don't think I could ever believe that.'' I whispered as I leaned on his chest for support and took a deep breath,I felt at ease.

''Oh,I see that I'm late to emotional ramblings and I just have to ask,Alex,when are we going to meet your boyfriend?I'm honestly dying to steal him,not even gonna try to lie.'' and of course someone had to interrupt.Svetlana walked in holding three large cups of what I assumed was coffee and some smokes in the cup holder.Alex smiled as his arms left my body and so did his warm gentle embrace as he went over to the door of one bathroom stall and since he was the tallest,opened a little window above and got back.

''I got us some coffee and I think I just saw Andrew Schulz.'' Svetlana murmurred as she sipped her coffee and wiggled her eyebrows that surprisingly got a chuckle out of me.

''You wish you were that lucky.'' Alex said as he opened a pack of Marlboro Red's and put one cigarette in between his lips as he took a zippo from his jean jacket and lit the cigarette inhaling one big puff.He closed his eyes and looked outside through the big window in front of the bathroom floor that looked upon high schools' back yard which consisted of a basketball field.

''He's gonna have a show,I think in like two days from now.Are we going?'' said Svetlana in a barely audible voice as she did the same as Alex and inhaled some smoke while sipping her coffee.