Lost & Insecure

Twenty-Three - ...A Lifetime to Go

"She's not a lesbian, mom."

"Whatever she is, it's disgusting." Pam scoffed.

"Excuse me?" Katie asked, clearly offended.

"Oh please, Katie, you very well know that this town is not suitable for that lifestyle. Now help me get things ready for the party tomorrow night. I need you to make some calls for me." Pam ordered.

Katie obeyed her mom. She didn't bring up the subject again at all that night or the following morning. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon that Katie finally snapped.

The Thomas' doorbell was constantly ringing early Saturday afternoon. Eddie was the only one home and ran upstairs to answer the door. As soon as he opened the door, a panicked Katie pushed her way inside. "Hey Katie, what's-"

"Where's Dana, Eddie?" Katie cut him off. "I need to speak to Dana. Where's Dana?"

"Whoa. Calm down." Eddie grabbed Katie's shoulders and looked her in her eyes, attempting to get all her attention. "Katie, take a deep breath. Dana is out right now. What happened? You can talk to me." Eddie seemed to be calming her down enough to get a real sentence out of her.

"You don't understand, Eddie." Katie was almost in tears. "I need to see Dana."

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Eddie was pacing back and forth when Dana walked through the door. "Finally!" Eddie nearly tackled Dana as soon as he saw her. "Where have you been? I've been calling you and calling you and no answer. Nothing! You can't even text me? You needed to be here, Dana!" Eddie yelled.

"Jesus, Eduarte. Calm down!" Dana raised her voice back. "What are you freaking out about? I'm here now so can you chill?"

"No, Dana, I cannot 'chill.' This is serious and you weren't here."

"Eddie!" Dana snapped at him again. "What the hell happened?" Dana stared at Eddie, panic clear in his eyes.

"She told her mom, Dana." Eddie said without skipping a beat.

"Katie told her mom that you were bisexual and you two were really good friends and then she started to fall for you and..."

"And what?"

"And she's gone. Katie's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone, Eddie?"

"Her mom told her to leave. She kicked Katie out." Eddie answered Dana's worst fear.

"For telling her she had a crush on a friend who happened to be a girl?" Dana asked. "No. That's not right." Dana headed straight for the door. "I'm making this right. Right now."

Eddie grabbed Dana's arm, "Dana no. She didn't kick Katie out for being friends with you." Dana stared blankly at Eddie, waiting for further explanation. "Mrs. Torres kicked Katie out for being in love with you." Dana headed for the door again, not saying a word. "What are you going to do, Dana?" Eddie asked. "She's gone."

The pain didn't hit Dana right away. The panic did, but not the pain. Dana wasn't hurting now that Katie was gone - she was freaking out about it. She was worried and paranoid and upset and lost and angry all at once. And she decided she was going to get answers.

Dana called Katie right away after Eddie had told her what happened but, of course, her phone went straight to voicemail. After calling Katie multiple times, Dana finally called Ashley. Dana begged and pleaded Ashley to tell her everything she knew. Ashley confirmed that she did speak to Katie, but only for a brief period of time and none of what Katie said made any sense to Ashley. Katie rambled on and on to Ashley on the phone and again to Eddie in person, but didn't give anyone any clue as to wear she had gone or what had happened between her and her mom. Dana decided she was going to the party that night, and she was going to confront Mrs. Torres.

Pam was different than a lot of parents. She was never controlling over her daughter - until that day. Pam had kicked Katie out of the house. She told her that she was done with her and did not want her there for the night. Pam called Katie's aunt and arranged for Katie to stay there for the night. Pam did not want to argue with her daughter anymore. When Katie approached her and asked what Pam really thought about the LGBT+ community, Pam was caught off-guard, but spoke her mind nonetheless. Pam explained to Katie that she was raised to believe a man should love a woman and a woman should love a man. She was raised to believe that being gay was wrong. Pam explained to Katie that she hoped and prayed that Dana choose not to be gay and wished that she would grow out of her phase of experimentation. That is what set Katie off.

Katie told her mom that she never loved Jesse. She told her that she Eddie had lied about them being in a secret relationship. Katie explained that she had feelings for someone else and was afraid to be true to those feelings. Katie had come out to her mom and told her that she believed she was, without a doubt, gay. Katie said it wasn't a choice, and it definitely was not just her experimenting. Katie had fallen for Dana so hard that she was heels over head. Pam didn't believe one word of what Katie was telling her. Pam argued with Katie and told her that she had to get over her crush on Dana, but Katie told her mom that getting over Dana would be impossible. Katie explained that it wasn't a crush at all, and that she had fallen so deeply in love with Dana that there was no way out, and that she was more than okay with that feeling. Katie begged her mom to understand and to give her a chance, but Pam wouldn't listen. Then Pam sent Katie away.

Dana wanted to confront Pam with everything she had. Every fiber of Dana's being was outraged, but when Dana went to confront Pam the outrage turned to pain. Dana had lost Katie, and it was just hitting her in that moment. Each and every human will experience that same moment at some point in their life. It's the moment when everything around you freezes and you realize you lost the state championship, or you didn't get into your dream school, or you realize that you are hopelessly in love with someone whom you can't be with. It's the moment when your heart breaks. Not a normal break, either. No, this is the moment when Dana's heart shattered and she knew she had lost everything. This was Dana's moment where her heart broke beyond repair.

So Dana stormed home. She cried herself to sleep, and she dreamed of Katie. Her heart couldn't take the pain of knowing that that might be the end of the story for them. Dana tossed and turned and fought back tears. It wasn't until after midnight when Dana got the crazy idea to go after Katie.

I know where she is. She convinced herself.

Dana shot out of bed, ran downstairs, grabbed her keys, and bolted out the door. She was insane. She was madly in love with Katie and she didn't even know it. Dana was speeding her way to find Katie. She needed to see Katie. She needed to apologize, and to tell Katie how she felt. Dana didn't know what she was doing. She just knew that she needed to be with Katie, no matter what.

Dana was speeding down dark, lonely roads, racing to find Katie. She was frustrated and hysterical and just wanted to hold Katie in her arms and be reminded that everything would be okay. But nothing would be okay.

A deer ran out in front of Dana's car. Dana slammed on her breaks and swerved. She swerved right off of the road and flipped her car. Everything seemed to move in slow motion at that moment. Dana knew what was happening, but she couldn't do anything to stop it - just like the moment she realized she was in love with Katie. The only difference was the pain. The pain didn't hit Dana right away. And this pain was nothing compared to the pain Dana felt knowing she had lost Katie. And in those split seconds that Dana's car flipped, that's all she could think about.

All Dana saw was Katie.

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Chapter song: "Sad Beautiful Tragic" by Taylor Swift

Until next time,
Adrienne (: