Distastefully In Love

Chapter 9: Different

She has been thinking a lot lately. About what Toby said.

About dreams.

Becoming a lawyer—it isn't a decision, it isn't something she chose; it was just ingrained in her. Her mother, her father, her sister—they are all lawyers. If you are a Hastings, you are a lawyer. If you aren't a lawyer, you aren't a Hastings. That is the philosophy.

Ever since she was little, she has been told she would be a lawyer. It is the family business. It is how things worked. She wasn't asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" because her path was already set. She was going to be a lawyer—follow the footsteps of her family. And she learned to accept this, because with the world's economy, it was better to be something like a lawyer, than hopelessly wandering around for a career path.

She is good at a lot of things, but she isn't great at anything. People will tell her she is, but she knows that she is nothing out of the ordinary. She is mediocre.

But stupid Toby got her thinking.

Thinking about possibilities—he uprooted the hope she buried away all those years ago. He gave her hope. And if that is not the worst gift you can give someone, she isn't sure what is. People act like hope is a good thing, but it is not. At least not to Spencer. It is a wicked little thing. It laughs at you, it is almost a sadist. It gives you this sort of belief that everything is going to work out, but in the end, it never does. It is just a pathway to disappointment.

So, when she sees Toby on Saturday, at Dance practice, where she basically only sees him, she lets him know all the trouble he's caused her, "I can't stop thinking about that dumb conversation we had," she murmurs to them during stretches.

He looks amused by this, "what conversation?" he laughs, giving her an uncertain look.

"You know," she mumbles, staring away from him. "The one about...dreams, and all that optimistic crap," she elaborates.

"Oh, really? You've been thinking about it? That's good," he returns to his regular posture.

"What?" she follows his actions, standing up, and rolling her shoulders back, "no it isn't!" she cries. "You planted this stupid glimmer of expectation in my mind, and now I can't erase the picture."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe that is a good thing?" he questions her, narrowing his denim eyes on her.

"No, because I know it's not."

He shakes his head, "you're impossible," he mutters, reaching towards his feet in a stretch.

She dives to her own feet, eager to shoot an insult back, "yeah? Well, you're insufferable. This is all your fault."

"I'm so sorry that I got you thinking about what you actually want to be doing with your life. Now, you won't be able to lead a miserable life, living your worst nightmare. Wow, lord have mercy on me."

"Becoming a lawyer is not my worst nightmare," she replies swiftly, standing up and away from him. She stretches out her arms to the side, bending her body in a curve.

He is beside her in seconds, "then what is?"

"Being in the same room as you for more than five minutes," she smirks at him.

"Isn't that what we've been doing for months?"

"It's a really long nightmare," she counters.

He rolls her eyes, going back to his own stretches.

Soon after, class begins. They are beginning the routine next week. Up till now, they've just been doing ball room dance class. Spencer curses Hanna for wanting all this. Not because of the dance class—she loves dancing, and really has been enjoying herself, but...Toby... Toby just makes everything so utterly awful. Sure, maybe there has been a couple times that were actually enjoyable with him. Say, last week. In his loft, it was great. She actually felt, sort of, sad to leave him. Not that she would ever admit that to anyone, but it was nice having someone to hang out with. Caleb and Hanna have been so busy with the wedding that she has barely seen either of them—well, she's seen a lot of them, but it always had to do with the wedding. And then there was Aria. She was busy with all her boy drama. And she had other friends, of course, like Emily and Cece, but there was always something in the way—something that these people had to do, instead of hanging out with her. And she got that. She did. But it didn't stop her from getting lonely. It was nice being with Toby...