THE OUTSIDERS SHIPS (𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥)

Johnny x Dally

Because he's Johnny.

That's the only reason I can think of for doing all of the crazy things we get into. Not so much crazy as in breaking the law or doing stuff that's dangerous, but crazy as in watching sunsets or stars. I don't get what there is to watch. The stars don't change. And a sunset reminds me that there's a new day tomorrow that I have to live through.

But I still let him drag me outside in the dead of night. I still let him drag me on top of the tallest hill that's far enough away from everything to get a perfect view of the sunset, or in a rare occasion that we don't sleep, a sunrise.

And why, do I let him do this, when I don't give two shits about nature and colors and deep stuff?

Because he's Johnny.

That's the only reason I can say when I let him stay with me at Buck's. When I'm on my way and find him huddled underneath some newspapers in the lot. Sometimes even in the rain. He always refuses to go at first, even though I can see in his eyes that's what he wants.

  I'll let him walk close to me. Closer than two friends should. I let his arms touch mine, and I let him lean into me when we pass a dark alley. I let him sleep in the same bed as me because God knows when the last time he's slept in an actual bed was. I don't push him away when he curls into my side at night. And why?

  Because he's Johnny.

  He tries to never show fear around me, but I know it's there. Deep down inside him it's there, and I see it in his eyes sometimes. I also see when he becomes emotionless. When his eyes glaze over and he looks almost looks hardened. He looks like that after his parents get to him. He looked like that every time he walked outside for a while after he got beat by the Socs.

But I see through him. I see him shake. I see him wince. I see him gulp. I see his eyes widen. And every now and then I see small tears on his soft cheeks. But I don't say anything about it. I comfort him. I comfort him even though I say I don't care about anybody else's feelings.

I make sure he's okay before leaving him by himself. I make sure he always has someone to walk with because I know he hates walking alone. I make sure he's in good shape.

  And why do I do this stuff that shows I care?

  Because he Johnny.

  There was a night I found him in the lot. His wrists were bleeding and he was sleeping, but I thought he was dead. I thought he had gone and killed himself. His wrists were sliced and he was laying still and damnit why hadn't I taken him seriously when he told me he wanted to die?

My throat tightened and I couldn't breathe and I didn't breathe until I leaned down and listened for breaths. And when I heard a soft one the weight of the world was taken off of my chest as I sat him up and desperately tried to wake him. And when I finally saw his black eyes I wanted to cry and I had never wanted to cry before then.

He moaned and told me to leave him there and I didn't. I picked his small body up and took him to the hospital and waited for hours, not knowing if he was going to be alright.

Why did I care so much that someone was on the verge of dying when I had seen murders happen right before my eyes?

Because he's johnny.

"I'm sorry Dal." He said while staring at the ceiling in a hospital bed.

  I want to scream at him. I want to tell him how angry I was at him for attempting suicide. I wanted to ask what the hell was wrong with him. I want to lose my shit.

  But I didn't, and I knew he was surprised I didn't. I was surprised myself. I rested a hand on his shoulder and told him that I forgave him.

  I forgave him. I had never forgiven anyone in my life. But this time it's different. Why?

  Because he's Johnny.

  It takes me months to realize that I love him. And when I do, it's painful. I don't know what else to do other than continue as if things were normal when they were as far from normal as possible. Normal was two boys sitting next to each other. Not normal is two boys sitting next to each other while one can hear his heart beat over his friends chatter.

  Not normal is Dally Winston getting sweaty palms and red cheeks. That is not normal, and it can not be normal.

  But if that what got me Johnny, I would take the slickest hands and the reddest face. I wouldn't care. Why?

  Because he's Johnny.

  It took three week before I made a mistake. Before I invited him to Bucks and then kissed him as hard a I could. No warning, no hint or implication, nothing. I took advantage of his submissiveness and I knew it.

I apologize and look away. I'm shit. I absolute garbage.

"Dally?" Johnny says in that soft voice is so sweet. I look up and see him smile. "Kiss me again." And so I do,

And why did I kiss him again?

Because he Johnny fucking Cade.