Welcoming The Darkness

this is somethin i wrote ages ago. i found it the other day and thought i would share it with you. it's a bit sad and it's about a girl who has given up all hope.... okay so it's more then a bit sadd at the end.

listen to the song. it goes with it and tells her stoy just as well as my written words.

I stood there with the pills in my hand. All I had to do was swallow them and everything would be the way it should be. I would be back in the darkness again and no would ever get hurt by me.

I stared at the letter I had just written to my love. The only one I truly cared for. But even he couldn't save me now.

The drugs had stopped working. They no longer gave me the hit I wanted. The relief from my troubled mind. I had become more and more hungry for harder drugs, hoping that they would hold the answers I desperately craved.

It was wrong of me to want to take my own life, the most selfish thing I could ever do. But it was more selfish of me to carry on a I was, slowly dieing in front of his eyes. He tried so hard to help me night after night, trying to console the pain, grief and sorrow I felt. But it was no use. I was lost in my own personal hell that was my life. A life I didn't really deserve.

I stared down at my hands, the skin clung to my bones and they threatened to pierce through and paint them a bloody red. My muscles had wasted away, it was a miracle I could still walk and function properly at times. I no longer felt the need to eat and my body was reluctantly shutting down as a result of the abuse and lack of nutritional substance.

I had one last thing I wanted to do before I took those final pills that would ensure me a blissful eternity.

I wondered down to the music room and sauntered over to the piano. My only true friend throughout my whole life. Music can never let you down, not really. It can make you happy or keep you company when your sad. I had written a song to explain why I was going to take my final breath tonight. I had written it for my love so he could finally see what I was going through.

When ever he breached the subject of feelings I would just shut off. Block him out. Not letting him in. It pained him to see me suffering alone. Not half as much as it hurt to see me high night after night though. Yet he allowed me do as I wished hoping it was just a faze I was going through I assume.

I couldn't help but wonder that if I had met him earlier on in life would I be the way I am today? Or would I be a happy young woman, possible engage and living with the love of her life. I'm sure he has asked himself the same thing. The way he looks at me with a concerned, pensive stare make me think he wishes he had.

I sat down and stroked the keys one last time. As I began to play out the song.

I started the song when I first met him. It was only now that I finished it. My song, like my life, was coming to a close. An ending I welcomed with open arms. After tonight I would no longer hurt any one... not even my self.

I realise my love would be upset at first, but soon he will move on like so many others do. He will find someone worthy of his love, someone who isn't broken never to be repaired. Someone that doesn't need help, who has hope of a peaceful future.

He was my Guardian angel, but he just didn't catch me in time. I tried my hardest to go back to my old happy self but I've been lost for so long I just couldn't break through the surface. My head was far to under the water and now I was loosing too much air as I struggled hard to break free. I was tired of fighting, what felt like a loosing battle. Now I would no longer have to.

I didn't take this decision lightly. I had thought about it for months. Each time things would get too hard he would be there to help me but recently even his help does nothing.