Shadows

Chapter Twenty Two

(Clarke's POV)

She was sitting on the bed in her room, absentmindedly pulling at the loose threads in the blanket, beginning to go a little stir crazy from all the thoughts swirling around in her head. A firm knock on the door startled her. Her heartrate increased and she wiped her now sweaty palms on the legs of her pants, nervously anticipating who she knew was at the door. Lexa had sent her away because she truly believed that she was too dangerous to be loved by Clarke. Although Scout and her helicopter had been an unnecessary distraction, the feeling of pure guilt had not even come close to leaving Clarke's body. She had messed up big time. It was her fault that Lexa's fear of believing that love is weakness came true, and she desperately needed to make that up to her. Knowing Lexa, Clarke was sure she was pulling a mask over her face right now, trying to hide her emotions to prove to Clarke that she had figured out a way to remove that "weakness" from her life. The door quietly clicked open, followed a few seconds later by the sound of it latching shut again. She nervously stood up but then sat back down, trying to relax her posture and assume a neutral stance.

"Hello?"

Just the sound of Lexa's voice was enough to cause Clarke to feel like a comforting blanket was being wrapped around her body. She watched in impatient anticipation as Lexa slowly materialized out of the dark hall, stepping out into the light of Clarke's room. The pure elation that coursed through Clarke from the sight of the girl she loved more than anything caused her body to involuntarily spring up from her seated position like an excited puppy. She had been right about Lexa's mask, but she knew her well enough to see that it was becoming a difficult endeavour for her to keep it in place. In her mind, Clarke knew the logical action that needed to happen was for her to apologize profusely for her behaviour, to somehow force Lexa to see that it was truly nobody else's fault but Clarkes. Her head screamed at her to at least explain herself, but her heart was pulling her harder in another direction and she was too exhausted to fight it. Her eyes searched Lexa's and they both held their breathes, loud heartbeats beating out in the silence in unison. Lexa remained annoyingly stoic and still, not daring to make the first move. Clarke's hands shook from the force is was taking to restrain herself and with one last weak attempt to stay controlled, she unleashed everything she had been holding inside, using that pent-up energy to throw herself forward to the commander. She wrapped her arms around the muscular girl in front of her, burrowing her face in the crook of her neck. Her body melted like butter at their contact, but Lexa's body remained stiff and she stood there awkwardly, not even raising a hand to place on Clarke's shoulder. Pulling back sharply, she furrowed her brow and glared at Lexa.

"Stop it. You can't do this. It's not fair to either of us. I am sorry about what happened back in Polis, but you cannot blame yourself for this. It's all my fault, okay? I was the one that was foolish, I was the one that put us both in danger. Nia is dead now, can't we just put this behind us?"

Lexa sighed, not dropping her guard.

"Our past is what builds us Clarke. If we were to constantly put it behind us then how are we expected to move forward without making the mistakes we have already made? We must learn from it. I was senseless enough to try and forget about what Nia had done to Costia and look how that ended up. If there is any..."

With each word that came out of Lexa's mouth Clarke became angrier and angrier until she couldn't keep it back anymore. If Lexa wasn't going to listen to Clarke's words, then she was going to resort to the other language Lexa was very familiar with. She raised her arms, tightened her muscles, stepped forward, and shoved Lexa as hard as she could. Lexa stopped speaking as she almost fell, scrambling to stay on her feet, a completely shocked expression now on her face.

"What was that..."

"I said stop it." Clarke growled through clenched teeth, advancing towards Lexa. She watched as the commander took a few tentative steps backwards before raising her own arms, preparing to defend herself. Clarke kept her hands up, pretending to go to push Lexa again before quickly changing her decision at the last second and instead swiping her right foot around, catching Lexa's ankle and causing her to sprawl backwards, landing directly on Clarke's bed. Lexa was quick but Clarke was quicker. She pounced on top of the girl, grabbing her wrists and holding them down firmly above her head while she straddled Lexa's waist, causing the commander to become immobilized. Was Clarke aware of the fact that Lexa could easily throw her off of her in less than a second? Of course she was, but she also knew that Lexa was not about to do that.