Dear Universe, ✔

17.

A couple of days ago I had checked her blog minutes after she posted her last post, and my heart stopped. Annie has hinted at being depressed in some of her other posts, and I've noticed signs while hanging out with her, but no matter what I say or do she won't talk to me about it. 

In her post she made it sound like she was going to...I can't even think it - not after what happened with my mom. I panicked, I texted Annie and when she didn't reply I tried again as I ran down the stairs and out the door. I was on my bike and racing towards her house before my third text had even sent. 

No other cars were in the driveway and my mind was in overdrive. I didn't know what I would walk in to, but I just kept hearing those words repeating over and over in my head. My heart was racing and I don't think I allowed myself to breathe until I heard her say, "God, Ian, you almost gave me a heart attack."

I wanted to tell her that I was pretty sure she did give me a heart attack, but I can't let her know that I know about her blog. Not yet. 

I wanted to hug her, I wanted to feel her, smell her, taste her. I needed to know that she was here, that she was okay. But then I noticed that she was wearing a towel and I had to tear my eyes off of her, my words getting stuck in my throat as she blushed before I turned around and she got dressed. 

I want to help Annie, but I don't know how. I know she goes to therapy, I read about it in her blog, but she's never talked to me about it. I know that she blames herself for her brother's death, but how can I convince her that it wasn't her fault? I'm sure I won't be the first to tell her that, and if she didn't believe anyone else, she's not going to believe me. I know she feels tossed aside by her parents. I know she's punishing herself.

I hear my phone ringing from my desk where it's charging. I toss the book I had been reading to the side, not that I'd been focused on reading anyway, and walk over to my phone. I smile to myself when I see Annie's picture and name on the screen. 

"Hey."

"I'm not going to graduate because I will one hundred percent fail Mrs. Holloway's stupid final over these stupid books, just thought I'd let you know." I picture her laying in her bed, rolling her eyes and throwing the book across her room. 

"I'll be right there with you." I unplug my phone from the charger and walk over to my bed, pushing the book out of my way as I lay down. 

"Maybe when we're sitting in her class again next year, she'll let us sit by each other." 

"Or maybe Drew will fail on purpose so that he can sit by you again next year and glare at me all hour." 

She tries not to laugh, but she knows that I'm right. It's impossible to not notice Drew staring at me all class. "I wouldn't put it past him." 

My phone starts to vibrate in my hand, and I check the caller I.D to see who the other call is from. "Hey Annie, Pleasant Hill is calling me. Can you hold for a sec?"

"Yeah, no problem. Maybe I'll read a little." 

I switch to the other call, "Hello?"

"Ian Thomas?" Lou's voice comes through the speaker on my phone and I can tell from her tone that this isn't a good call. 

"Yes." 

"Hey hon, it's Lou. I'm going to need you to come down here as soon as you can, there's been an accident involving your mother." Her voice is low and soft, a tactic to keep me calm, but it isn't working. 

"Is she okay?" 

"She's fine now, we just need to talk to you and...and go over some things. Can you be here soon, Ian?"