Stargazer

A young girl stared up at the sky, her beautiful blue eyes glistening with tears too sad for anyone to cry. Her hand moved to wipe the drops of water uselessly, they kept coming one after another. She glanced down at the ground below her, a hard pavement. She shook her head, moving quickly across the roof, her feet tapping against the shingles like she had memorized every nook and cranny. Which she had. She used to come here every night with her best friend, a guy named Marcus Brown, until he died. She had watched him die from that very roof.

As she climbed back through her window, she thought back to the moment that had changed everything for her. Two months ago on June 21st, the day her best friend lost his life.

The two kids had been talking on the roof, a normal thing for a starry night. They would gaze up at the stars together, watching them glitter.

"Marc, do you think they'll stop?" The girl asked, sniffing.

"One day. Until then I'll protect you." The male said, a soft smile on his face as he looked at his friend, nothing more. They had always been friends. Neither of them wished to be anything more. Not even deep down in their hearts or in the pit of their stomachs. All they wanted to be was to be friends.

The girl giggled. "That's sweet but I can take care of myself. I'm 15 after all."

"Astra dearest," The male said making a face. "Are you saying you don't need me?" He asked jokingly.

The girl thought for a moment before replying, her tone light and airy, it was obvious she was kidding. "Maybe I don't."

Marc gasped and placed a hand over his heart dramatically. "I thought you loved me." He fake cried before bursting out laughing.

Astra joined in on the laughter until the two were breathless. These were the best moments. The time when Marcus could forget about his mother and father, and where Astra could forget about everyone at school that would push her around.

A beeping sound erupted from a watch on Marcus' wrist, interrupting the fit of giggling between the two.

"Ah I gotta go." Marcus said pressing a button on the side of the watching, the beeping drifting away into an echo.

Astra frowned. "Right now?"

"Yeah. I promised my brother I would read him a bed time story." He chuckled, his cheering flushing in slight embarrassment.

"Okie dokie artichokie." Astra replied, standing up and brushing the back of her pants off. "I'll go get the ladder." She said a small smile gracing her face. It disappeared as she climbed in her bedroom window. Usually they would stay up until one in the morning just talking and laughing. It was only twelve and she wasn't tired. When she wasn't tired she thought. In her opinion, thinking was the worst thing she could ever do. She opened the door to her closet and grabbed the ladder out, hauling it out the window and placing it on the edge of the roof, waving her friend over and smiling again, in an attempt to show him nothing was wrong.

Usually Marcus was quick to catch on but he was in a rush. He didn't really need to read his brother a bed time story, he just needed to get the little kid away from his crazy parents who would fight over him like pigeons over the last piece of bread until they ended up hurting him somehow. He thanked Astra and scrambled down the ladder, waving her goodbye as he hopped down the sidewalk.

"Bye!" Astra called out.

Marcus waved before darting across the street.

"By-" He started before getting cut off.

Astra watched, seemingly in slow motion for her. A car, barreling down the usually quiet street, swerving and winding. She watched as the car drove right into her best friend, knocking him down on the hard pavement and barreling over him.

Astra let out a blood curdling scream, before freezing. She couldn't even move as she watched, helpless as her friend took his last breath and closed his eyes, drifting off into an eternal sleep. His skin that once glowed in the light the moon gave off turning dull and bland.

This was one of those moments when tears weren't an option. She was too in shock to move off her spot on the flat roof, to in shock to cry, to in shock to call for help.

Astra felt more tears threatening to pour down her face at the thought of it. She climbed onto her bed and buried her face into her pillow, breaking down. For two whole months she had been keeping it in, the tears, the sadness, the reality of what had happened. Thinking of just made her want to grab something. She fought off the feeling, Marcus wouldn't want her to do it. No one would. It wasn't her fault.

"It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault." She muttered into her pillow over and over again, digging her nails into the sheets as opposed to her head or her legs.

She thought and thought, the one thing she used to promise herself she would never ever do. She kept on thinking, remembering, reliving before she finally fell asleep, her pillow wet and finger nail marks embedded into her mattress.

**************************

She woke up to a beam of sunshine dancing across her dark skin, the light bouncing off of her mirror and shining right into her eyes. She murmured something and opened them sleepily, sitting up and stretching, her hair knotted and messy. She rolled over and squeezed her eyes shut, they were extremely dry from last nights situation. She sniffed and slid off her bed, the night dress she was wearing flitted at her feet. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror placed above her dresser.

She murmured to herself as she opened one of the drawers to her dresser, in an attempt not to think. She yawned and dug through the pile of clothes, trying to find something to wear. She gave up and slammed the drawer, tucking in the small parts of clothing that peaked out and closed it fully. She walked over to the door, her feet padding on the soft carpet under her feet.

"Honey! Breakfast!" She beard her mother yell from at the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!" She yelled back, attempting to hide her nasally voice as she ran to the bathroom across the hall and splashed her face with water, before looking up in the mirror again. Her face was pale and there were bags under her eyes.

"It may not get any better but all you can do is hope. Just hope and don't think. Hope and don't think." She muttered to herself like a pep talk. She had been telling herself the same thing everyday since she watched her best friend die because some crazy drunk barreled down their street at midnight.

She found it funny how others mistakes cause so many more people so much pain.

She remember about going down stairs after her mom yelled up to her again, she walked briskly out of her bathroom, cracking her knuckles and wiping the excess water off her face, bouncing down the stairs and plastering a smile on her face.

As she walked down the stairs she began to think again, not the usual dark thoughts that flitted through her mind like a wiled fire burning her happiness away, but this time a slightly hopeful one. She knew it was never going to be ok, but all she did know was that she had to stay strong, she had to be. For her family and his. Marc's little brother had been hit the hardest, maybe even harder than she had. She had to be there for him, he was just a little kid after all.

She smiled at her mom, a real one for once, as she got down the stairs.

"You look chipper today." Her mom said shuffling plates around.

"Yeah. I guess I am." She said sitting down at the usual place at the table, her nightgown riding up to her knees as she sat down.