Barely Naked

Chapter One

Losing my mind

"Mikee and your brother looked so happy together."

I puked inside my throat after hearing what Mom had to say. It was a very sunny Saturday morning and Rael and Mikee were PDA-ing in the garden – near the gazebo where the family eats lunch. Nawalan na nga ako ng gana dahil sa pinapakita nilang kagagahan at kagaguhan – I wanted to shove on Rael's face that I was Mikee's first everything. I wanted to tell him that Mikee lost her virginity via my mouth, tongue and that ten inch dildo I bought as a monthsary gift for her.

I grinned at that thought. I want to tell Rael but I don't have the heart to break my mom's heart anymore – well not yet. She was too upset because I came out as a lesbian woman. Nasa tabloids pa rin ako at pinagpepyestahan ng madlang – people.

As if naman. I just rolle my eyes everytime I read comments of people always condemning me – or any other gay people. Naaalala ko iyong nabasa ko kagabi. Whoever that person is just told all of social media na kulang ako sa pansin kaya bigla akong nag-out as a lesbian. Na ang mga tulad kong mayaman at may sinabi sa buhay ay kahiya – hiya dahil lahat naman nabibili ng perang hindi ko naman pinaghirapan and yet I have the guts to tell the world that I am a lesbian. May problema daw ako sa utak.

Hindi ko naman na pinansin iyon. Tapos na ako sa pagkamuhi sa sarili ko. My life got better after I had accepted myself. I am proud of who I am. Hindi naman ako nakakasakit ng ibang tao – in fact, ako pa nga ang sinasaktan.

"Ica..." Tinawag ako ni Mama. I looked at her. She was holding a cup of coffee. Inaayos na rin niya ang pancakes ni Papa.

"Yes, Ma?" I asked.

"Your father and I are waiting for the joke time." Matiim na wika ni Mama. My mouth parted.

"Ma, this is no joke. I am gay."

"Shhh."

"I am a lesbian, Ma." Wika ko. Nilakasan ko pa ang boses ko kaya napatingin ang maids sa amin. Napansin ko rin na papunta na sa gazebo si Papa, si Mikee at si Rael. "I love girls. I don't like men. I find them appalling."

"How can you be sure you're a lesbian if hindi mo pa naman nasubukan ang sumama sa opposite sex."

I looked at Mama – eye to eye.

"I lost my virginity to a twenty – two year old newly graduate varsity player when I was sixteen, Mama and it was horrible." Wika ko. Sakto, naupo si Papa sa pwesto niya gayundin si Mikee at Rael. Mama gasped.

"It's true, Mama. I wasn't virgin when you threw me a party for my debut. I did try to be with men. I don't enjoy sex with them, so yeah, I am fucking sure I am a lesbian. Hundred per cent sure."

"That is too much, Nautica." Nagsalita si Papa. "We didn't raise you to talk to your mother like that. And this is crazy. You're just confused." Wika pa ni Papa.

"Yes, Ica. You're just confused." Segundo naman ni Rael.

"Shut up, Israel. Don't even dare try to comment on my personal life." Inis na ako sa pagkakataong iyon. Inilapag ko sa ibabaw ng plato ko iyong food cloth and then, I excused myself. "Wala na po akong gana. Oh no, I have no time eating with in denial people. I am a lesbian, Mama, Papa, Rael. That's not gonna change over night and this isn't a disease that can be cured. This is who I am and if you can't accept that might as well suck on it. I'm sure Mikee can give you references on how much of a lesbian I am."

"Nautica Cyrene!" Tinawag ako ni Papa pero hindi na ako bumalik sa kanila. Nawalan ako ng gana, sumama pa ang loob ko.

It's been a week since I came out in public. Wala namang nagbago sa akin. Hindi naman ako nagpapakalalaki. I like the way I look, I like the way I dress. I like my vagina, I like my boobs. Ayoko lang talaga makipagrelasyon sa lalaki dahil hindi sila ang gusto ko.