Cupboard Love

C H A P T E R 1

START AT THE END

RUEN

Straining my ears in the club's blaring music, I kept looking for her among the crowd. Still, I couldn't find her; finally deciding she must have gone out, I made my way out of the club too.

I dialed her number and wished she would pick up. I counted each ring: one, two, three until the line went dead. She did not answer my call and I wasn't surprised for even before; she was not one who would answer on the first ring.

Unwanted thoughts barged right trough my head as I tried again. One minute she was drinking, making jokes, and laughing beside me. Then, at the next breath, she put her drink down, got up, and left and did not even bother saying where she was going. Again, I find myself wondering and waiting.

Desperate to confirm that she hadn't left me without a word and a ride home, I made my way to the parking lot to look for her car.

The car was there, but the person I was looking for was not. I walked towards her car to check if she was in it or nearby. When I got closer, I heard two people talking. In the poorly lit parking lot, I had trouble telling if the other woman was indeed my girlfriend.

The headlights of a passing car illuminated the faces of the couple. The moment they did not remain a mystery, my heart received a blow.

Lub dub... lub dub... lub dub...

I found it hard to breathe, and the air remained trapped in my throat. For there, just a few cars from where I was hiding, stood the woman I love together with someone else.

With the woman, she 'loved'?

'Loved'?

Scratch that!

She was with the woman she loves.

She never stopped.

She still loved her.

Should I have just turned away or should I have looked? Self-preservation told me to walk away, but the masochist in me screamed for me to look. I debated against myself and lost. The masochist won over. I braced myself and peeked.

Thud!

Believe me when I thought that maybe—I would have fared better had I walked away. Although my mind tried to deny the scene in front of me, it wouldn't change the reality that shattered me. They were passionately kissing.

Lub dub... lub dub... lub dub...

Not wanting to see more than what I already witnessed, I quietly made my way out of the parking lot. Silently and quickly my feet would carry me, I half walked–half ran back to the entrance of the club.

Lub dub... lub dub... lub dub...

I re-entered the club and walked back to where our companions were. Pretending I was okay was my mission for the remainder of the night. I eased my way back into the group's conversation and joined their easy banter.

Then my vicious mind has started to turn its wheels against me and shouted in its loudest everything that I have long been trying not to hear, not dared to admit and not wanted to accept. I was an intruder, an extra. They were all her friends and not mine.

"Oh, she's back."

I took a long gulp of the drink I was holding before I looked to where she was. She smiled, waved back, and started to make her way to our table—right then and there, my heart started to crack.

She was so beautiful. Her eyes twinkled, and her dimples showed whenever she smiles. I couldn't believe I was so lucky to have been with her for over a year and a half.