The Dancer | #5✓

Chapter 6

I'm your friend. George's words came rushing back to my find, and I felt a bit calm. I could talk to him, right? I needed someone to talk to.

We were both quiet. I could hear Advik breathing even though there was a noisy crowd around. The sound of my own heart was flooding my ears, and I just needed him to say something — anything — so that the awkward silence would end.

"Well, that's about all I had to say to you," he said, holding his hands together. "I think... I'm not sure but is it okay if we start talking again. I don't expect you to say yes, and I know things will be awkward, but can we start talking again?" he asked, and I just stared at him. My throat felt clogged, and I didn't really have anything to say. I was also a bit confused. Was Advik asking me out? Did he just want to be my friend, or was this the 'take it slow' talk? What the fuck was even happening?

"What about your friends?" I asked. "What does liking me even mean to you?" I asked, and Advik seemed a little stunned my question. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but he looked away again.

"Well, I don't know." He shrugged with a confused look on his face. "I'm confused, I don't know what this means. I'm not gay, but. Liking you doesn't make me gay though, does it...?" I think I knew where he was heading with his thought process, so I just shut it down before he even went there.

"I'm a man," I said, adjusting on the bench. "If you like me then you're not straight. You're not 'gay' but you're not straight," I said, trying to explain things to him.

"I'm confused," he said. "I don't get it."

"Do you even want to come out, Advik?" I asked, and he just stared. "You, you didn't think we would date 'privately', did you?" I asked, and he didn't answer my question which made me believe he was dodging it.

"Why don't you try to sort things out with yourself before you try to get me to date you?" I asked. He looked up at me, then looked away from me again.

"You have a point," he said, brushing back his hair. "Can I still talk to you, though?" he asked, and I nodded. I watched as a small smile formed on his face, and one came to my lips too. I wasn't sure why I was smiling. Maybe I was just tired and didn't have the energy to do anything else.

We both kept quiet again, and instead of waiting for him to talk first this time I got up.

"I have to leave," I said, and he just looked up at me from the bench. I couldn't place the look he had on this face. I hadn't seen it before. He looked away, nodding before saying a small 'okay.' I walked away — more like ran away. When I got back to the store George gave me a worried look. I tried to assure him that I was alright by smiling, and when he smiled back I felt my stomach churn a bit. Confused by the feeling I went right back to work, not wanting to add another thing to the list of things I was worried about.

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It was late in the evening and I was on my bed now browsing through Harry's blog. He was still very active, and I noticed the others were as well. Roland, Emma, and Lizzie all still had active Tumblr accounts, and they were closer than ever. I started to wonder if the others knew Roland was attending my college. And I wasn't sure if it was a valid concern or just paranoia to think that they might be planning some sort of revenge on me.

"You've been fidgety for the past few weeks, are you okay?" Austin's voice made me look up from my phone for the first time in the past hour. He was sitting on his desk, but he's turned his chair around so that he could look at me. His curly dark hair was a mess, and he had his glasses on, meaning that he was working on sheet music.