The Dear Kasey Letter

Jello From The Other Side (Jaxs' POV)

I was supposed to be at the lake hours ago, but since everything went down last week with Kasey, I haven't been able to sleep. Thoughts about her and wondering if she'd read the letter yet made it difficult to still my mind long enough to fall asleep, let alone focus on anything at all. The biggest problem being if she had read it, her not saying anything about it shows me she truly could give a shit less about how I've always felt about her. That night, standing with her on the road when I'd become so frustrated that I just laid all my shit bare by telling her I love her, she completely dismissed it as I just "love" her. Truth is, I really love her. I've always been in love with her. Being a reserved, shy, insecure child made it hard to express myself out of fear of being rejected, especially by Kasey. To me, she was everything and the one person's who's opinion always mattered to me the most.

Falling in love with Kasey Fleetmore was easy; she was beautiful, smart, sassy, fun, and not afraid of anything or anyone. Granted, her forever running mouth would drive me insanely crazy sometimes, the daydreams of shutting her mouth rants with a kiss was something I envisioned on the daily.

I smiled to myself as I lay in my bed, tossing a football up in the air and catching it with my hands as I remember a few weeks ago in the hallway on the first day of school. Her hands on her hips, head cocked to the side ... I could see her mind churning a million miles an hour. I had anticipated hearing the next words she so adamantly created in her brain just so I could feel the need to kiss her boiling deep within me. The feelings I started to notice when we were nine, became an emotional addiction, a secret. I didn't have to keep it a secret for long as everyone became aware of how I felt about her, but she were the only one blind to it.

The day the doctor told me I was getting sicker and brought up military school as a way to discipline me back into health, I felt like a failure. I sat on the table in the doctors office, over two hundred and twenty pounds with my head in my hands, crying.

"Mom, how am I going to tell Kasey?" I cried.

"You'll figure it out, honey. She'll understand," my mom tried to reassure me.

I'd spent an entire week trying to think of ways to tell her I had to go away, that I'd become sicker and that military school was the only way for me to get well, and it was hard for me to admit to her that I couldn't do it myself. She was always sticking up for me, and I wanted to show her that I could do something for myself without her doing it for me. I went to military school to not only become healthy, but I also went to become someone who she'd want to kiss ... I left for one reason, and one reason only, for Kasey.

All of the attention I've been getting from the girls at school isn't what I want, the only attention I crave is from Kasey. In the last week I went on a few dates, but I found myself rolling my eyes at the whiney banter these chics put forth. All I want to hear is Kasey and the confident, sassy remarks that come from her mouth. I'm not the same insecure, shy, quiet fat ass I used to be and I'm wanting to show her who I've become, but I'm not going to push myself on her, I want her to see the truth for herself.

"I don't think so, mom," I hear Kasey's voice in the distance, it sounding muffled through my closed window. I felt my heart jump in my chest.

"That's my girl," I mumbled to myself with a sigh, tossing the football to the floor. Getting up from my bed, I made my way towards the window. I saw Judith -Kasey's mom- saying something I couldn't make out, then Kasey looked over at my window. I ducked quickly, hoping she hadn't seen me watching her.

"Fine," I hear her give in. I look up over the window sill, watching her take her sandals off, walking over to where her mom was sitting in the grass. I smiled, remembering how we'd throw pinecones at her mom while she would sit there for over an hour, sometimes two. I stared at her sitting the grass, rolling her eyes then closing them. I watched her take a deep breath and then release it, her shoulders relaxed and I felt every part of me come alive, like an electric livewire. I groaned, she truly had no clue as to how beautiful she truly was; her hair was dark and long, her big brown eyes I would get lost in, and her long, slender, tan legs in the cut-off tattered jean shorts she wore went on for days. Kasey never dated, as far as I knew, because all the guys that were interested, and there are a lot of them, were scared shitless of her.

I continued to watch her, her mouth was moving as the tears rolled down her face, one after the other - She was still breathing deeply in, and out slowly, seeming to be whispering escaping her lips between breaths. This is only the second time I'd seen her cry in thirteen years. Why was she crying?
Then, out of nowhere, her eyes snapped open. She sat there, blank, as if she'd come to a realization. I watched as she quickly stood up and ran into the house, her mom sat where Kasey had left her, a smile on her face before closing her eyes again.

Ping ...

My phone dinged with a text, I glanced out my window at her mom and the empty spot in the grass next to her one last time before walking to my bed and grabbing my phone. My heart felt like it beat a thousand times harder than I've ever felt before, then it stopped.

Kase: Can we talk?