What is love? (Mina's Story | Michaeng)

19. Patching up the puzzles

"That day while taking photos of the group of participants I took single shots of you. My camera was focused on you and you looked at my way and smile. It made me so happy.

"Do you remember I went out to throw the piece of paper for you on the Annual Day? That was the first time I wrote to you as S.A. Then once again when your exams were near."

Yes, I remembered it all.

"I wrote again on the first of school next semester. Tzuyu almost got me caught," Chaeyoung chuckled. "We had to drag her away."

I remembered Tzuyu repeating a line from S.A's note. Jihyo and I had thought it was a coincidence. Turned out she knew S.A. Chaeyoung continued narrating me about how she started to fall for me.

"3rd period was my favourite time of the day. Not because it was my favourite subject but because of you. I got to see you when we walked by your classroom and it delighted me that you were always looking my way with a smile. That's how I started to fall for you.

"Dahyun and Tzuyu used to tease me initially but they're best of friends, they supported me always. Do you remember my birthday? And the ritual of us kissing the birthday girl? Dahyun and Tzuyu made that up to get you to kiss my cheek. But that ended up in a disaster when I turned and our lips met accidentally. It was a beautiful disaster though. I was head over heels for you."

I think I was blushing. She kept on going.

"Dahyun and Tzuyu kept telling me you probably liked me because of the way you always smiled at me whenever we passed by your classroom. And they pestered me to confess. I didn't have the courage then. Then I saw you outside school two days before your competition at Ko's. I followed where you were going. I secretly shot you with my camera. That day I made up my mind that I will tell you about my feelings. The next day in S.A's note I gave you hint that I was falling in love with you.

"The time was set. I was going to confront you after your competition. I left you a note in your waiting room. I waited for you at Lee's Cafe but you never showed up."

I said, "Bambam was holding that note when I entered the room. I mistook him for S.A. and he didn't deny it. He deceived me and asked me out. That is why I didn't show up. Because I thought I already met who I needed to. The reason why I dated him is because I thought he was S.A."

"Oh," Chaeyoung said. This was news to her.

"Did you wait long?" I asked.

"Too long. Till dark, my mom was worried," she continued. "I was pretty upset. I lost confidence. The next day I pretended to be talking to Tzuyu as I walked past your classroom to avoid looking at you. And the day after that you hugged me from behind to keep me warm during the house meeting.Oh it was such a blessed day for me. I was melting!"

I remembered the incident and smiled to myself. "Why didn't you try to speak to me again?" I asked.

"I had no confidence. I was still mustering up my courage to tell you my true feelings when you brought and introduced your boyfriend to us. Dahyun made up a pretty good excuse about my mood."

I recalled that day. Chaeyoung looked so down and Tzuyu hugged her shoulders and comforted her. Now I knew the reason behind her unhappiness. When I asked what was wrong Dahyun had answered in her defense that it was because of their teacher. And now I knew the reason behind Bambam's smirk that day; he knew that they made up the lie.

"I was so sad..." she spoke again. "I was so depressed. I cried a lot. I skipped school the next day because I wanted to me alone. I told myself you were happily taken. I convinced myself that I had no chance with you because you were dating a boy and I was a girl. I thought maybe it was for best that I didn't get a chance to confess my feelings to you or I would have ruined our friendship. I started to feel better as I accepted the facts .

"I did asked you if you were happy. You said yes. That's when I decided I will write one final note and stay silent. I was gonna give it to you on 11/12, the day we met. But you saw the note already. I was glad I didn't sign it as S.A. I lied to you that it was a quote from Mary's book."

"You're the silent lover you talked about. I was really surprised to find that Mary is a dog. Dahyun is a witty one. She is always able to make up a story to save you," I said.

She nodded, "Tzuyu and Dahyun have always had my back. Did you ever notice? They always offer the seat next to me to you, so that I could sit next to you."

"Ah, is that so? I thought they do so because they respected me."

She chuckled, "I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because you were happy, and I was sad for the same reason because I wasn't part of it. So I used 'alaba moo' to tell you how I really felt knowing you won't ever know it's meaning. It was childish but I was happy that you replied with the same everytime I say it to you. It was healing.

"After you saw the quotes in my notebook and I almost got myself busted I didn't brave to write again as S.A. until I found you crying in the Arts' room. It pained me to see you tangled in Bambam's whims so I wrote to you again hoping that you follow your heart."

"I was really shocked to find Bambam wasn't S.A. I broke up with him the next day. You knew about it. You knew I was available. You once tried to confront me, then why didn't you try again? Why did you keep hiding?" I asked her.

"Because I already knew the consequences. I knew I will be hurt at the end. You dated a guy. A homo like me asking out a straight girl? That is asking for heartbreak," she said bitterly.

"Then, why are you telling me all this now?" I was curious if her heart changed.

"Because it's killing me. I needed to unburden my heart. I came prepared for the negative respond. So, don't mind me. I'll not bother you anymore. I told what I had to. I don't need a respond from you. You can pretend that today never happened."

I saw that Chaeyoung believed I was straight. Instead of hearing a rejection she preferred to hear no answer at all from me.

"Don't you still wanna hear what I feel about all this?" I asked.

She looked at me, a little expectant, a hint of hope visible in her eyes. There was a brief silence, which was broken by a girl who came running to us panting.