They called my name! I cannot believe it! YES!!! What an opportunity to show the whole of Panem how incredibly, effortlessly AWESOME I am. I swagger up to the podium and show off my wonderful bare abs. I gallantly greet everyone and we set off to the land where everyone but me will meet their doom...
At a random mealtime
Yum. This stuff is GOOD. But not as good as the stuff I make at the bakery though, of course. "I feel so honoured to dine here," I gush to Effie and that douchebag Hamitch, putting on my Sweet Loyal Schoolboy face. I smugly dine slowly and with immaculate manners, biting my cheeks to stop myself from snorting with laughter at Cowpatniss' Epic Fail at attempting to appear civilized at the dinner table. This girl doesn't have a clue.
In Training
I'm so awesome at this. I make sure that Spatniss sees me paint perfect disguises everywhere, and casually chuck 100 kilo weights around. They are actually plastic inflatable ones with crash sound effect buzzers inside that I stuffed into my jean pocket at the reaping so I could cheat.
In the private sessions, I totally master everything, but all the stupid judges are too tipsy to notice!
...WHAT???!!! Crapniss got... 11?! How DARE she! I can't believe it. Apparently, she later shyly confessed that she shot the apple out of the pig's mouth, at the Gamemakers' banquet table. Which is basically admitting that she's broken the law. I have to find out what makes her tick so that she does something illegal again...
After the Interview
Buttniss totally lost it after I said I loved her on stage. It was awesome. She shoved me into a flippin' flower pot (uh, ahem, breaking the rules AGAIN) and I put on my really-hurt-and-adorable face to make her feel bad. Everyone loves me now. And Haymitch hates That-niss anyway!
About a week later or whatever
60... 59... 58... 57... I spot Fatniss eyeing the shiny bow and arrows greedily, and not at all humbly. I see her nostrils quiver as she imagines her smug triumph of pinging somebody in the heart whilst all the over tributes watch in awe. You wish, Splatniss. I know for a fact that, being the indesicive little bitch she is, Gnatniss will show clear hesitation if I intervene... but I must be quick.
37... 36... I stare Pratniss out with a deep-and-meaningful look, but she has never actually done one of those before so she just looks like a rabbit in headlights. I, however, master it, and decide to take a step further and begin to shake my head slowly as if my heart is breaking for her.
I mean, how can I let a weakling like her hog all the goodies?! I see her wistfully eye the bread just lying there in front of her, and I know immediately that she's made her mind up. Aargh. How can someone be so stupid? All you have to do is wait until everyone's dead and the careers hobble away dropping the many essentials they've grabbed from the field. Because that's the whole point. They just can't carry everything...
3... 2... 1... BONG!!!!!!!!!! I can't hold back the smirk that escapes my lips as Bratniss idiotically shuffles from foot to foot like an untrained tap dancer. Her jaw is half-hanging so she looks even more crazy now. But I must admit, she is just s l i g h t l y attractive - the Capitol are smitten from her charm. Although of course she's nowhere near as handsome and toned as me.
Anyways, she eventually lunges for the bread, a cluttering plastic sheet that she'll never use and is just taking it because it'll make her look brave. As people start grabbing weapons, I decide to skit off as some of us aren't stupid enough to practically expose their lives to a bunch of deamons. Huh. Muttniss is fighting childlishly over an obvious, luminous orange rucksack. I hope she dies in the bloodbath.
I head to the most obvious source of water - the lake literally right next to us - and have a good swig of this pure fluid (who needs stupid iodine?) before I head off to a bunch of pines fairly close to the clearing and hop into a fork well-hidden by emerald needles as a makeshift hideout. I spend a while pondering on when in the game I think Ratniss (who's long since run off, with the backpack but not the bread) will die. Early on, I bet.
Hmm. I kinda like Splatniss, actually. Rings a bell. I can't wait to get rid of that twit...
