freshman | h.s

018

walking thought this airport gave me the funniest feelings. andrew was leaving and of course i was happy about that but it also made me a bit sad. i doubt he'd ever come visit me again. i don't care because i still love him i care because he's still my best friend despite everything. when my dad pasted and my mom had to work double shifts andrew was the only one that was truly here for me. he took care of me and taught me how to love myself.

our "relationship" is very complicated. andrew has raped me before, several times actually but it wasn't always like that. i knew that his head wasn't in the right place and i couldn't blame who andrew really is for something andrew did when he wasn't himself. andrew loved me, he still loves me he just makes dumb decisions and can't always control his feelings.

when andrew took my virginity he didn't rape me, i wanted it, i actually begged him to take it. he felt so guilt afterwards because even though he wanted to have sex with me social standards made him feel like a pedophile. the andrew that took care of me for so long and did nothing but love me would never rape me. but that andrew that couldn't stop himself from the drugs and alcohol and who slightly had alexithymia was fully capable. i might sound dumb but this is really what i think. some might say there's never an excuse and other will think i'm dumb for staying or not getting help. our relationship was toxic and i should have cut it off a long time ago but i didn't even know how to live without him. then i came here and met harry, grace and the others. they showed me that i don't need him.

coming here showed me that i could find my own way to school, cook my own meals and make my own friends. andrew never let me do any of those things. coming here made me realize that i'm still a kid and i have a long way to go and that i shouldn't be trying to catch up to anyone. yes harry is older then me but he's nothing like andrew. harry is kind and careful when it comes to me. harry showed me that i don't need andrew and that my love for him probably wasn't even real, just routine.

when andrew got here i was clouded with emotions. i know i liked harry but andrew was all i ever knew. i loved having his full attention so i never expected to feel the way that i do now. i'm completely detached from the one person i thought would always have the key to my heart. walking in this airport i don't feel the urge to hold his hand or to beg him to stay. i'm grateful that he's leaving so i can finally completely end this chapter of us.

15 minutes until plane d is ready for take off 

andrew watched me carefully without saying a word

"i'm going to miss you" i break the silence

he chucked and shook his head, "is that right?"

i nod, bumping his shoulder "i really will"

"i'm just kidding. i'll miss you too baby" he says in shock at his own words

the last part must have slipped out by accident. andrew nervously scratched the back of his neck

"i'm still not use to-" i cut him off

"it's okay" i reassure him

i can't imagine how hard it may be for him. i've already been with someone else for a while and he's been waiting on me all this time until he hooked up with gemma and that was probably out of impulse.

"it's gonna be okay y'know" i hug him "we're okay and i still love you just know that"

"i love you too"

another announcement went off saying they had 5 minutes left

"well i'm gonna go now" and without another word from me he walked away

this was short asf and i didn't have much to put into so imma just upload hopefully this helped you understand my characters better idk sorry