Bloodhearts

Chapter nine: Change.

He swallows thickly. It's like he sees my blood on his own hands. Jason clearly feels very guilty about what happened. I don't want him to. It wasn't his fault that I chose to act completely impulsively and off protocol. We have this rule that you do not leave your group unless it's agreed to first. I broke the rules. So how could this be Jason's fault? How could it be anyone's fault? If anyone should be blamed, it should be me.

"N-not your fault," I say to him. "Just want Cory to know it's mm-me."

This whole time I've tired my best not to think about what happens if Cory decides he can't be accept me.

Jason chews on his lip for a moment, thinking. He gets up from the couch, looking at me. Then he glances at the men. In high school, Jason was known for getting good ideas quite often. Some of them were good, others were... questionable. We were only boys back then.

"Come on," he says. "There are a few people you need to meet."

He gestures for me to follow him over to where all the guys are. The faces that were unfamiliar to me before are faces I can now put names to. I used to lead most of these men on missions and in battles. Their faces are all white as if they are seeing a ghost. There are also a few new guys such as the young guy Brendan. They seem unsure of what to do when I come over. I do what I can to look alive.

"Guys," Jason says. "To those of you who don't know, this is the son of the General; James Alden. He used to be our commander, but has been lost for these past two years. I thought he was lost too, but... I guess we're just lucky he isn't so easy to dispose of."

He winks at me and steps aside. Now it's my turn to face these guys and hopefully their reactions will be different from Cory's. I start by letting them get used to me. To begin with, no one says a word. A guy called Isaac, whom Jason and I used to talk to once in a while, is the first one who dares to try and talk to me.

"Jay?" he says.

I nod and hand him my dog tag. There's no doubt then. A dog tag is the thing that identifies a soldier. I choose to explain it this way since it is the most simple and direct way. It also means that I don't have to speak too much. I might be getting better, but it's still takes a lot of concentration to get something sensible out.

"I'm afraid the general isn't going to believe this," Isaac informs me as the tag is handed around. "And I know this is probably going to ruin the happy reunion, but... Spencer has just returned to camp. And he's told the general that we've found his son, but that he's infected and we're refusing to kill him despite our orders."

Shit. I look to Jason. We both know my dad is a man of iron-will and power to do exactly wants he finds best. This is not good.

"How can Spencer know that's it's Jay?" Jason says angrily. "We've only just discovered!"

Isaac is quick to answer before my best friend can get too worked up. "Actually, he doesn't know that for sure. If you ask me, it's the similarity that finally gave him what he needed to take us down. I think he just wants revenge."

"He's always hated Cory and Jay. And he's always wanted to lead this squad," Isaac says.

Jason nods. "That crazy bastard."

We all agree that Isaac's theory makes perfect sense. Jason hands me back my dog tag and I put it on and gesture towards the radio, hoping Jason gets the meaning.

He does instantly. "Get someone to stay in touch so we can get news of the situation," Jason orders and Isaac obeys. The radio signal is an old, but useful technique, which my dad began using when all this started. When he gets an idea, it's not easy to convince him otherwise - but if you're persistent enough it might actually happen. In this moment, I get a completely crazy, stupid and reckless idea. However, it could be our only option.

"G-go to camp," I say out loud. Jason and Isaac look at me like I just swallowed some acid that will burn me up from the inside. " Hh-have to tell him... truth."

"No way, soldier," Jason says. "That's not happening. He would kill you straight away you know it."

"Yes," I say. I know the risks. "But have to try."

"Why?" Jason asks.

"Mm-make things better," I answer.

"Yeah, well," Isaac says. One of the youngest recruits have just handed him a note, which he reads and then looks at me with a very serious expression. "Your dad has just issued an order to kill you. I'm not so sure he's going to be listening to anything you say."

So now it's official. I have at least ten pairs of eyes awaiting to see what I am going to do next. .

"Not scared," I respond. It's clear that's not what they expected me to say. A lot of people are intimidated by my dad, but not me.

"I want to show... we can change. You...?" I point to them.

Jason catches on. "And you're asking us to help?"

I nod. With Jason's assistance, I manage to explain to the guys what my plan is. We are going to show my dad that Spencer is wrong and that change is still possible. Only, doing that will probably be the most dangerous mission we've ever been on. Still, it is the best and only plan we have. Luckily, everyone is backing me up. It's only when one of them asks me where Cory is, everything almost falls to the floor.

"Uh, Cory doesn't know about this plan yet," Jason explains, trying to cover for me.

Just that second I hear someone clearing their throat. I know it's Cory's almost before I turn around. Sadie is standing right behind him. Cory's eyes are red, but not watery. Not anymore. He looks determined. I feel warm inside. I want to just grab hold of him and not let go. Ever again.

He gives me a sad grin. "You know... I've always been able to carry on with things," he tells me. "Always been able to put on a face and just continue with everything. My dad taught me that when my mom died. But... when I lost you I didn't want to try anymore. As crazy as it sounds, you can build up your whole world around one person and loosing them is like, well, almost like dying. You can't breathe, you can't think... It's funny how there has only been one way to look at this infection. Once bitten there's no going back. That's just not the whole truth is it? Because somehow you're here, somehow it feels like... I don't even know. I just know I had these dreams too, only they're not dreams. They're memories I've been trying my best to forget. Memories that used to haunt me in my sleep. It was just too hard to remember them, Jay. I felt like it was my fault that you died... but... how could you just throw yourself out there like that? What were you thinking?"

"S-save you," I answer and the calmness on his face starts to crumble.

I'm not sure how much longer I could have waited to hold him in my arms when he throws himself at me. I can feel the warmth from his body stream through my own and through my very bones. When I hold him close, I begin to shake, unable to control the muscles in my body. Cory looks at me with eyes brighter than the sun. This feeling is unexplainable. There are butterflies in my stomach and I feel lightheaded. I need this so much. It's true what he said about building up your world around one person. It's as if we are the genuine examples of Romeo and freaking Juliet (or Julio in this case). Except, we changed the ending of this tragedy. We've made it our own.

Cory is shaking too. He can't stop crying and I'm pretty sure he's not the only one affected. I can't cry, but if I could... well, let's just say I would need a kleenex too.

Cory lets me put my hand over his heart. He frowns at me, so I take his hand and put it to my chest. There's hollow thump in there and Cory's mouth falls open.

I take my dog tag off and place it in Cory's hand a second time. It's like silently telling him to believe. I can feel the warmth from his hand so much clearer and it's like I've been missing it since forever.

"M-missed you," I tell him. He gives me a wobbly smile and puts his hand over my heart again to feel it beat just one more time. I feel like smiling too. Turns out my muscles work just right this time and I form a real smile. It might not be a big one, but it's a smile. I have this strange feathery feeling inside me. I am sure not letting go of Cory for the next millennia. Meanwhile, Jason babbles about everything; he talks about high school games, girls, training, the world, and anything else he can think of. Sadie joins in as well as she can, even offering me food. I say no because I don't feel hungry. I can only think about the person who holding my hand.