Bloodhearts

Chapter nine: Change.

I know Jason's right, but I can't help but feel guilty. "T-thank you," I tell him.

He frowns. "For what? For not killing you? Or for being the best bodyguard in the world?" He's trying to lighten up the mood and there's just a tiny smile at the corner of my mouth.

"Hey, uh... what's it like?" he continues. "Being, you know, dead or whatever. Do you feel anything or do you just... disappear?"

I shrug. "Empty," I decide. "Lone-ly."

He looks me over a few times, considering. "I think it's what made you different. Look at the world; I've never seen anyone else fight the infection before, because hey; when your heart stops beating, it's over, right? So what's left to fight for? Still, you just rolled your eyes at me the first time we met again after... well, you know. I've never seen anything like it." He shakes his head.

"Don't exaaggerr-ate," I tell him. I feel proud that I can speak so clearly now. I can even say words like 'exaggerate' and without choking myself completely in the process. I only stammer a little bit.

Jason looks at me weird.

"Others t-too," I tell him. "Think it's the s-start."

It's not an actual lie. The day I found the car wreck with yellow spray paint on it, had been a day out of the ordinary when I think about it. I bumped into a few of my fellow dead whom instead of just giving me a dead stare, almost glared at me. Small steps like that has to mean something. I see that now.

My best friend needs a moment to process this knowledge. "The start? So... are you saying there are others like you out there?"

"M-maybe," I answer. "But n-need help. Takes time. Mm-many lose to h-hopelessness, become... boneys."

"Yeah. I sure as hell want them gone," Jason says.

I nod.

We sit in silence for a minute. I keep thinking about that crazy idea of trying to change the world. If we wanna do it, we'll have to get rid the boneys first. If we do that, then we might have a chance to help everyone else who's like me. I'm not cured yet, but I think I'm on my way. The question is can I live again? Like Jason said, once you're dead, you're not just magically gonna be revived again. I just have to believe it is possible.

However, to know my beginning, I have to know my end. How I was killed is the only thing I can't remember at this point. Even if I try my hardest, nothing comes up. It's literally like a black spot. It's not like being so drunk that you black out. This is worse. It scares me that I can know everything except that. So I ask the only person who might be willing to tell me.

I put a hand on Jason's arm and he looks up at me questioningly. "W-why did I die?" I ask, determined to know.

Sadness crosses his face and I know I'm asking him to revive some uncomfortable memories. At first, he doesn't want to remember. I can see it in his eyes and he takes a deep breath before he starts.

"We were on this mission. You were pissed at your dad for not letting you bring more men. I think you were worried for all of us. I told you to calm down..."

He scoffs and makes a face.

"... And then we got attacked. At first, we had the upper hand. It was just a small group of dead and no one seemed to be hurt. That's until one of them grabbed hold of Cory and you just jumped in there after him without thinking. We were working on getting you free of the dead, but then new friends showed up, and there was nothing we could do. You just disappeared in the middle of it all. Cory kept screaming we had to go back and get you and I swear we tried... but a pack of boneys showed up and there's was nothing we could do..."