The Certainty (Book Four in The Illusion of Certainty Series)

At Your Leisure

“Michael,” I whispered. “Are you awake?”

“Hmm.”

“Michael.”

“Yeah,” he said sleepily. “I’m awake.”

I rolled over and looked at him. His eyes were still closed and his breathing was even. On this vacation I was the one waking up first more times than not. Definitely a change from when we were at school. I checked the time on the clock and it was barely into the next day. I sighed and rolled back over, looking out the window and hoping to go back to sleep.

Aidan was the target. This whole time, Aidan was the reason all of…that had happened to me. I wondered what he would do with that information. To know he was the reason the person he loved the most was hurt, almost killed…it’s an all new weight. And I could tell him. I could go down stairs, dial his number, and tell him what the Angels had allowed me to know.

It would be the perfect revenge. I could give him that burden; that most of the scars on my skin were his fault.

But he already knows that. My inner voice said.

I buried my face in my pillow. I asked myself Are you sure?

How could he not? Michael knows the scars on your back are because of him. Every time he sees them, feels them, he flinches just a bit on the inside. They brought you together so in part he loves them. He also hates them. Aidan knows.

I lifted my head and looked out the window again. If that was true then how was he ever able to be near me? How could he bear it?

He loved you. He has his own weight too, you know. Each day his shoulders sagged a little lower, just like yours. But you helped shoulder his burden. You loved him too.

I couldn’t do it. Jason’s reasons had gone unknown for so long. No one ever understood why he’d done all the horrible things he did, why he targeted me. And now I knew. And I couldn’t tell anyone. Another secret, another load for me to carry, for me to carry alone.

You don’t carry it alone. He knows. He carries it too.

He carried it unbeknownst. I had a choice right then. I could make him aware of his burden or I could let him keep going as he was, unable to understand. But would it matter? He didn’t love me any more so would it mean the same if he did?

I got out of bed, shivering at the chill in the room. I slipped on my pj bottoms and headed downstairs. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. I didn’t hesitate. The need to hurt him, somehow, was too great to sedate with silence. He picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“He did it because of you.”

“Who?” he asked frantically. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. A tear slid down my face. “Ana?”

“Jason. Everything he did…was because of you.”

“Ana, what are you talking about?”

“I had a dream. The Angels…they brought him into my dream and he told me…it’s all your fault. If I’d never met you…”

“Ana,” he said sternly. “It was just a dream. It didn’t mean anything.”

“It was real. What he said…I never thought about it. I always thought it was me but…it wasn’t. It was you. You were his target…”

“Ana, stop.”

“He targeted me to get to you. He tortured me because of you. Everything is your fault.”