The Fractured Love Square (Stan x Kyle)

The Quiet Before The Storm

"You guys! Listen!" squealed the Coon, his feathered mask practically bristling in frustration. "We need to work out how to take down those Goddamn Freedom Pussies once and for all!"

"The only one of those guys who needs taking down is Wonder Tweek, via my mouth, attacking his mouth," contributed Super Craig, his eyes glossy and his smile wide.

The Coon sighed. "For the last time Super Craig, no! We don't even know who that asshole even is!"

"Yeah, we do! It's Tweek Tweak from the school up north!"

The Coon looked at me like I was an idiot. "Human Kite, what the fuck are you even basing that on? That theory is as stupid as all the other times you have suggested it. You're an alien, so you obviously have stupid ideas. Leave this to the humans."

"Are you kidding me?! Their faces! It's the same guy! Do you guys have facial recognition? Their hair, eyes, heights, speaking patterns! Or the fact that they're both called Tweek?!" Sometimes I wonder if I'm smarter than my teammates because I'm an alien, or if they are all just literally stupid.

"Kite, that idea is, and always will be, retarded," said Super Craig, flatly. I wanted to punch a wall.

"Yeah Kite, Wonder Tweek has a headband saying Wonder Tweek on it, a logo on his jacket and that black mask covering his eyes. Not to mention, have you ever seen Tweek wear a blue jacket?" input the Coon. I wanted to slam my face into the table. "What you're saying is as stupid as suggesting that Toolshed is Stan Marsh because they both have black hair." Okay, he does have a point there. There is no way that asshole is Stan Marsh.

There was a pause in the conversation, until Mosquito spoke up, "What do you suggest Coon? Usually, when we try to take those assholes down it just ends in a stalemate." Mosquito's nasally voice returned the discussion to its original purpose.

"I, have no idea. There's been too much crime to focus on it lately! But those assholes keep becoming more and more of a problem! We were at this first! Those assholes stole our idea, and today they were on fucking television!"

"W-Well Coon, w-we were in the n-n-n-newspapers today," stuttered Fastpass.

"I don't care about the fucking newspapers, Fastpass!" yelled the Coon. "Nobody reads newspapers! And they still have more Instagram followers than we do!"

"It's closer now," said Super Craig.

"Closer does not mean better!" shouted the Coon.

"I don't know what you what you want from us. They have Call Girl. She takes down followers as fast as Kite and I can rank them up," said Super Craig flatly.

"What do you mean Kite and I?" questioned Mosquito, clearly offended.

"Exactly what I said. We're the only eye candy here," responded Super Craig.

The Coon glared at him, letting his claws glint menacingly in the harsh basement light. "Nu-uh, Super Craig! I'm totally buff! Chics dig this!" he said, motioning to his pudgy body.

"Given the choice between touching your shoulder, and burning you with fire, I would throw a flamethrower at your face, and hope to God that the melted version looks better than the current one," said Super Craig, who let silence fill the room for a minute before continuing, "Kite and I are outnumbered. The Freedom Potatoes have Call Girl - though, obviously, I wouldn't touch her because, ew, a girl - Toolshed, Tupperware, Mysterion and, most importantly, my beautiful future husband Wonder Tweek. How are we meant to compete against this beautiful face?" said Super Craig, holding up an over crumpled picture of Wonder Tweek, and pointing at it. Why did he have that in his pocket?

The six of us just collectively stared at the picture of Wonder Tweek, in silence; unsure whether we should be worried by how far Super Craig's obsession had gone until Mosquito finally managed to speak. "What do you guys think about all the new kids joining our class tomorrow? I hope we get some new hot babes," stated Mosquito, with a dreamy expression on his face. Chics are always the first thing on his mind.

"Those fucking assholes can stay north if you ask me. Especially that hoe," said the Coon.

"Shut up fatass, you're just annoyed that Wendy doesn't want your tiny dick."

"Oh yeah? Screw you, Kite! You're only interested because you wanna suck Marsh's dick!"

"Ew!" I responded; the mere idea of sexual intercourse making me want to hurl.

"Don't lie, I've seen how you eye fuck him every single time we have a fucking sporting event against the north." My cheeks went slightly red and I struggled to think of an excuse.

"What about that time you started drooling as you watched Wendy speak during that debate?"

"I-I was... falling asleep because her speech was so terrible!" said the Coon, bright red.

"Will the two of you please just shut the fuck up?" asked Super Craig absentmindedly. I resorted to just glaring at fatass.

"Poopsikins, it's time for all your little friends to go home. You all have school tomorrow," called the Coon's Mom through the door.

"Meum?" whined the Coon.

"Yes poopsikins?" replied Liane, patient as always.

"Super Craig doesn't think I'm hot, and that's really mean. So you need to tell him to call me attractive," stated the Coon.

"Well, I think you're very attractive."

"No, Meum, ew! I don't care what you think!"

"But you do care what Super Craig thinks? Is there something you need to tell me? " asked Liane.

The Coon went even redder. "No Meum! Ugh, never mind! Head home you assholes."

As soon as I got outside I took off into the skies, enjoying the feel of the cold night air on my face, as I flew the short journey home. The bright moon in the sky like a guardian watching over me. I glided gently in through the attic window, and then quickly got ready to sleep.

Xxx

Hey guys~ thanks for reading the first chapter! This is going to be pretty long, and I don't know how regular updates will be, so please don't attack me if they are terribly dispersed. Also, I felt like I should mention reading these end bits is not necessary, that's why they're at the end, to be easily skippable! They're just me babbling about things, such as that all the superheroes who need one wear a black mask, like the ones in the Incredibles. It'll be mentioned later anyway, but just to clear up any confusion.

Anyways, thanks again for reading! Hopefully, you follow this adventure! It will be Style, Bunny, Bendy and Creek filled! I love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to comment, vote if you enjoyed, and have an awesome day guys~