Wish You Were Here - Part 3

Chapter 9

HARRY'S POV

I can tell she's fucking freezing as we pull away from the driveway and I'm grinding my teeth down in order not to start a colossal fight in the back seat of this car.

Why does she have to be so beautiful and infuriating at the same time?

We've been so fucked up lately and this is just another cherry to add on top. I don't even know what's causing it.

What's a symptom and what's the problem?

Everything is just so... difficult.

I think it's a mixture of everything, coming back to London after the tour, the rise in the amount of fans and women approaching me, the level of security we now need at all times, trying to have a baby... Shit, today she is a few days before ovulating and from now until then we have the maximum chance at falling pregnant.

It's amazing how much I've learnt about this whole situation. My whole damn life I really thought a woman could get pregnant at any given time. My whole damn life I've tried to not get someone pregnant and now that's the only thing I can fucking think about.

Maybe this is her way of acting out about it, maybe she doesn't want to try anymore?

I doubt it, although she never seems stressed about it, never mentions it. But then again, she never mentions anything anymore.

All I see are just little notes she places in her diary and on some weird app on her phone. She never shares the endless webpages she keeps open in tabs on her laptop or says anything about the stack of books by her bedside table. She never complains or groans when she takes all those supplements every morning to boost fertility.

I'm sure I'm the only one who is losing my mind thinking about it every second of every day.

Maybe I shouldn't have told her about that girl at the party, truthfully though, I really should have called her before I left her in an empty stadium by accident. I would never cheat on her, I just hope she believes me.

I look over to see my girl looking out the window, her hand clutching her jacket closed to keep as much warmth in and I lean over to turn the heat up a few notches.

She looks gorgeous, as always, but she seems different, not just the clothes and the hair, it's everything. She seems so sad but closed off and I wish I could ask her what it is but maybe she can't pinpoint it either? Sometimes I wish Emma were here so she had someone to talk to other than Bec or Frankie.

Clearly, I'm not someone she opens up to anymore despite having tried everything.

Now, I just expect her to shrug or bite her lip and the thought of her keeping everything in hurts so much I've stopped trying to squeeze it out of her as often, purely out of self protection.

As much as I argued with her about what she is wearing, it's only because it's arctic outside. I don't give a fuck what she wears as long as she's happy and honestly she looks utterly miserable.

It's not in Liv's nature to do anything to turn heads on purpose, she's subtle and refined, she's elegant in the most textbook of ways, never drawing attention to herself or causing a fuss, always the shy one who, if you are privileged enough to gain her trust, shows you her fireball personality bubbling just beneath the surface. She fiercely loyal and she loves with all her heart. Loves me with all her heart...or is it loved?

We are so disconnected lately, there are moments, like the one in the kitchen earlier, when I don't even know who the person sitting next to me is anymore.

It makes my chest constrict at the thought of losing her, even if it is inch by inch, I love her, maybe I need to change?

I can't lose her.

"Harry?" I hear her squeak, breaking my thoughts. Her voice so small and timid as her gaze drifts from out the window to her hand resting on the seat between us.

When did I start leaving a seat between us?

"Yes, my darling," her demeanour has shifted from stubborn to unsure, causing me to lean in, in order to be closer to her, drawing me into her like only she can. I'm proud of being the only one who gets to see her like this, who gets to lift her up and encourage her. This is my girl.

"Do I look stupid?" her voice is a fraction louder than a whisper and I can't handle being this far away from her anymore.

Unbuckling my seatbelt I shuffle into the middle seat and do my best to wrap my arm around her, wanting to feel her body on mine, needing to touch her and see her.

"Olivia, my love, you never, ever look stupid. You could be in a dirty old sweatshirt and your awful pyjama shorts and you would still look perfect to me," I confess honestly and I watch as she bites her lip insecurely.

"I love you, Liv," I say out loud for what feels like the first time in such a long time and I feel her body tense against mine.

Shit, how long has it been since I told her that?

"You know I love you, Olivia," I start to panic, unwrapping my arm from around her and holding her hands so that we are facing each other as best we can. "Do you know?" I ask, my head bowing a little to catch her eyes.

I'm waiting for her to say she knows like we always do... well, we always used to... she knows and I know, but when I see her eyes avert from mine and her shoulder raise a little in a tiny shrug I swear I feel my heart cracking down the middle.

Holy fuck, is this why she's been so weird lately? How could she think that? Oh god, is it because she doesn't love me anymore? Has it all become to much and she wants to walk away? Would she leave me?

"Olivia," My voice comes out more wrecked and pained than I realised. "Of course I love you, sweetheart. Please, please tell me you still love me?" I beg, my heart in my throat at the possibility of this going horribly wrong.

Her eyes snap franticly back to mine as if I have just said the craziest thing in the world and I sigh heavily in relief when her finger tips touch my cheek. "Always, I'll always love you, Harry."

My stomach backflips as I pull her in and kiss her hard, my tongue snaking into her mouth and I hear her little pant against my lips before I feel the car come to a standstill and the ignition is turned off.

"We're here," she whispers, wiping the edge of her bottom lip a little and hoping out of the car ahead of me, which I hate but it's what we always do to avoid unnecessary photos of us together.

A/N:

What is this crazy world where Olivia doesnt know if Harry loves her and he doesnt tell her!

Love Ruby

x