Wings

April 27, 2013

I was up all night last night reading Adam's journal, and I've decided something. He wasn't lying when he said that he loved me. My brain had been firing overtime, and I was literally shaking. At lunchtime, I simply sent him a one word text.

"Lighter."

I sat down at my bench, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nearly 10 minutes had gone by before I heard Adam running towards the bench. I got up off of my seat to face him. His green eyes were big and full of worry, and he looked at me.

"Adam."

He stared at me. "Sydney."

I took in a deep breath. "Look, Adam, I read your journal that you gave me. You have no idea what it means to me, and I'm sorry I ever doubted you, it's just that I'm-"

I don't get to finish my sentence before Adam smashes his lips onto mine. He kissed me hard, his hand cupping the back of my head, eventually turning into a softer kiss. I was sort of crying by then. After what seems like forever, he pulls away. He leans his forehead into mine, both of us breathing heavily in the cold April air.

"You're not a freak. You're beautiful. You're the most beautiful person I've ever had the privilege to meet. And you're my butterfly, Sydney. You'll always be my butterfly."

I stared at Adam through my tears. "Your butterfly?" I asked inquisitively.

"My butterfly," he said, his hand stroking my face. He sits down, his hand intertwined with mine. "You see, Sydney, butterflies are extremely beautiful. They're iridescent and shimmering and they cast light forth from them without even meaning to. But even though they're so radiant, butterflies don't see how beautiful they are. They only see how beautiful all of the other butterflies are." Adam runs his finger along my eyeliner. "Your eyeliner is your wings Sydney, and one day I hope that I can show you how radiant you are."

I'm sort of sobbing. Adam wraps me up in his arms, and I cry out all of the sadness from the past week.

"I missed you," I sniffed.

"I did too."

"I cut a lot."

"I did too."

I sit up. "Why would you cut yourself?" I asked sadly.

Adam shrugs. "The person I love didn't know I loved them." He gave me a small smile. "Why did you?"

I shrug. "The boy I'm in love with had no idea how much I adore him."

Adam freezes. At first I worry that maybe he changed his mind, but then a grin slowly formed on his face. He looks like he might cry.

For the rest of lunch, we sit hand in hand, smoking. We don't care that we're late to class and we don't care that we had 3 cigarettes each. All we care about is that we have each other.