Her Last Wish

The Bus

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[A year has passed since Mary's death]

With time, coping with Mary's death became managable. Since the encounter with Eva, I had found a small apartment to live in. It wasn't much but it was enough. Also since that day I'd started to have nightmares. It was incredibly hard the first months. It worsened with each night. Mary kept taunting me in my dreams. find my son, find my son she would whisper. So for the entire year I refused to. I kept myself locked in the apartment. After a while I began to travel outside my room, but it was hard. People would try to talk to me but I couldn't. Everytime I had struggled in life the person I'd turn to was Mary. But now she was gone. And every day I was constantly reminded of that. It was the little things that hurt the most. Mary had always cooked the meals. And now she couldn't. Mary had always given me positive outlooks in life. And now she didn't. Mary would always make me laugh at dinner. And now every dinner was quiet. I just wanted everything to end so badly. So badly. 

It was exactly one year since the death of Mary. It was time to visit her grave. I had taken the public bus to get here. All the way nervously shaking my leg. I looked out the window to distract myself. I know I wasn't actually going to see her. That it was just her body. But something about seeing her name set in stone made me nervous. Her body was going to be there along with so many others. And each one containing stories of their own. Finally I arrive and I stumble out the door nervously. 

After many visits, I was still shaken. I knew her grave by heart so I quickly made my way there. I had brought fresh sunflowers. That's all I ever brought. Mary was my happiness and seeing the sunflowers made me think of just that. I place them neatly before her name plaque. Except  I see her name. Mary Willows . A flood of shame overcomes me. I have not fullfilled her wish. I say my goodbyes and rush to the bus stop. I have wasted too much time. It was time to find her son.

I take a seat at a bench near the bus stop. I sit there dumfoundedly. Guess I didn't think this through. I don't even know where to begin, I think. There wasn't anything in Mary's belongings that could lead me to any clues.

No one here knows Mary , I think 

I begin walking back and forth. I rub my temples trying to think. I knew a place. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.  What was the damn place called?

"Excuse me Miss, were you planning on riding the bus?"

I come to a halt and take a look at my surroundings. I hadn't noticed that a line had formed behind me. The bus had arrived.

"Hey you're blocking the entrance!"

I glance at the man acknowledging him. His hair was slicked back with gel and he wore an all blue uniform. Engraved in his name plaque was Ben. His muddy brown eyes looked at me filled with concern.

"How silly of me. Here you go Ben." I hand him a bus token blushing at my stupidness and climb aboard. I think I see a hint of amusement on his face but I must have imagined it. It was still morning so the bus was fairly empty. I take a seat at the back of the busnand try to recall the name of the place I had been thinking of. I figured I'd continue riding the bus until I heard the name mentioned.

great plan, i murmur to myself

It was already night when I suddenly realized that I was the last passenger on board. In all that time, not once had I heard a name I recognized. The bus comes to a halt, but there is no bus stop so why had it? I raise my head above the seat to see what the fuss is about. The bus driver, Ben, turns around to look at me. His eyebrows furrow together in concern.