mega suicide | short Connor Murphy fanfiction

I. wake up

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

I run around my room looking for clothes to put on. I end up just putting on some joggers, a t-shirt and hoodie, and some converse. SuPEr duPeR cUTe, rIGhT? I put my long, dark brown hair in a bun knowing it will just turn into a knot later. I go into my bathroom and look in the mirror. I mouth wow to myself realizing how disgusting I am and how bad my acne is. I smile happy my braces are gone. I shrug and spray perfume on me hoping to hide the fact I "forgot" to shower last night. I walk out and grab my bag.

"Have a great first day of your last year in school!"

My mom says to me.

I smile

"Will do, love you, see you later"

"Love you too, see ya"

I grab my keys and walk out the door hoping she locks it behind me. I get in my car and sit for a second. 

See the thing is my mom isn't my mom, I'm adopted, but that doesn't stop me from loving her. My bio-mom didn't want me because she wanted to be in college so my bio-dad and some lady took me, they got married and I thought she was my real mom for a while. My dad turned into a perv which sent me to foster care so I got put in like 3 homes before coming to the one I am at now. They adopted me after almost a year on the exact same day my niece was born so wooptie doo. 

I turn the car on and start speeding to school because I'm late already so why not get ticketed? I eventually pull up to the school and get out and sign in.

"Late on your first day Miss Jackson? That's not good look on your report for your last year of high school."

I bite my tongue and smile trying not to be smart with this like 80 year old woman.

"Thank you Ms. Davenport I will try my best not to be late again."

I grab my slip and walk out looking at my schedule. I walk to my classroom. Everyone is staring at me. I walk up to the teacher and hand him my note and take a seat. Mr. Evarts walks up to my desk and puts a syllabus down. F U N.  

The class ends and I walk to my second class looking for a seat. Just to my fucking luck the desks are in tables instead of rows so I have to be closer to disgusting teenagers that don't know how to put on deodorant. I sit a a table by the white board and read look through my phone. I hear someone take a seat in front of me and look up.

"Oh Hey Connor, thought you would have killed yourself over the summer"

"Back at you, and believe me I was close"

Another girl who is probably new sits at our table but never says a word just observes. We chat until the bell rings. Eventually he kicks me from under the table while filling out yet another syllabus.

"I'm gonna eat your ass out" (inside joke) I whisper through clenched teeth.

"Don't make me come over there and suck your dick" he whispers and points at me with his pencil.

"This syllabus is personal and does not require talking" Mrs. Cutler says. We are quiet the rest of class but constantly make faces at each other.

When school is over I walk out talking to my friend, Melody. Connor walks up on my side but says nothing and just listens. I suddenly realize how small I am walking next to him. With his 6'0 ass and my 5'4 butt there is a pretty big height difference. Not to mention I'm on the lil chubby side considering I'm around 135 I have some extra meat. Once we are in the parking lot Melody says bye and walks off towards the school bus. I turn and look at Connor.

"Why so quiet pretty boy"

"So I'm pretty?"

"One of the prettiest"

"Prettier than you?"

"Don't push it"

He laughs and starts walking.

"Where are you going?" I say while catching up with him.

"To your car."

"May I ask why?"

"Because I don't want to go home so I thought we could hang out"

"How do you know I don't have plans?"

"You would cancel them for me" I just sigh and get in my car turning the ignition on. Connor messes with the radio and settles on Famous by Mason Ramsey (its 2016 but Connor in 2018 (edit: idk what the fuck this means)) 

Once we get to my house I turn the car off and we go inside.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CONNOR ITS SO NICE TO SEE YOU"

My mom says walking from the living room. She looks so frail standing near him being the small 4'11 native-African-american woman she is. Its very obvious we aren't related seeing as I'm as white as a ghost even though I have a quarter of Cherokee in me. Him and I take our shoes off and he walks over to my mom gently hugging her like she'll break if he hugs her too hard. I grab his bag and put mine and his in my room.

"Why did you and Michaela break up? You guys are so cute with each other."

I widen my eyes and hide my face.

"NANNY CAN WE NOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW"

"Hmmmmmm Mrs. Jackson I'm not sure maybe I'll ask her that later." I walk in my room and sit in my chair, in front of my desk.

"Okay well let me know if you guys need anything." "

"Okay Mrs. Jackson." 

Connor walks in and closes my door. He looks around looking at everything and sits on my bed.

"You really haven't changed"

"My room hasn't changed, I have."

"How so?"

"Just want to kill myself a little bit more than last year."

"Don't we all?"

I just nod and look over at my medal from a band competition from 7th grade. We just sit in silence for a while enjoying each other presence. He shifts a bit, I can tell he wants to say something but doesn't know how to word it. I look over at him.

"What do you wanna ask me cause I can feel that you want to."

"Why did we break up exactly?" I just chuckle a bit. He just stares at me with a straight face.

I sigh "Connor two suicidal people don't belong together it won't end pretty."

"Then who can you or I date, just about every teenager on this earth is suicidal, Michaela."

I sigh again. "Connor, why do you care so much?"

"Because I still love you."

I pull up my hoodies collar to cover my face. I try so hard not to cry. I uncover my face and look up at him.

"I don't want this to sound cliche but I don't want to hurt you. If we break up again I don't want it to permanently ruin our friendship, and if you or I kill ourselves then that really is going to hurt the one that's left alive on this miserable planet."

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1209 words

lol i know this probably sucks and im sorry :(