Leviticus 20:13

Love God, Forget The Mere Man

"John you're not helping yourself, you're only making it more difficult for me..."
"As if anything I say will help pull you out of this brainwashing! This hypnotizing!" John exclaimed.
"You stand in God's house, show some respect!" Sherlock growled. That was about it for John; Sherlock had basically taken some scissors and personally snapped John's last nerve in two. He lunged at the priest, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him around so that they could face each other, standing above the poor man who still sat helpless on his knees, his wrist clasped in his hand as he stared into those watering blue eyes, those eyes that he had once found to be so beautiful...
"John no!" Sherlock yelped, trying to pull his arm away and yet John held fast, not intending to harm Sherlock, just attempting to get his attention.
"Listen to me Sherlock, Sherlock listen. Shush." John insisted, holding onto Sherlock's arm as he flailed and cried out, eventually silencing in an attempt to listen to whatever John had to say. Sherlock sniffled and let his tears flow more freely from his eyes, looking like a very broken man when confronted with a real force of nature. John closed his eyes for a moment, calming himself down before crouching down so that he could be on the same level as Sherlock, looking into his eyes as his equal and slowly releasing his wrist from his grasp.
"Sherlock just listen to me. I have lost everything I have ever loved; every person I dare to set my heart on has left my life in one way or the other. Please Sherlock, don't you leave me too. Not when I love you more than I have ever loved another person before. Come away with me, leave this all behind you and just run. God will never find us because you know he doesn't care enough to look, Sherlock don't be a mere pawn in his worldwide game, don't make yourself into something you're not when you know, you know, that your heart belongs with me." John whispered. For a moment Sherlock's eyes softened, for a moment his shoulders seemed to relax and his tears slowed. John's heart began to beat again, his lungs began to inflate and his world continued to turn. For that moment he knew that he had convinced Sherlock to finally give up his priesthood for good. John almost dared to smile when suddenly Sherlock shook his head, flinging himself to the ground once more and pressing his lips to the dirty tiles beneath him.
"My Lord forgive me for my temptations." He whispered just loud enough for John to hear him. John got to his feet in a newfound fit of rage, however he contained it into his fists, clenching them so tightly that he almost feared his skin would split open at the knuckle.
"I can't believe this I can't...I can't hear this. I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING!" John yelled, jumping in a shaking fit of anger to which Sherlock just shuttered against the ground.
"I apologize Mr. Watson, I really do. You know that it's not been easy for me to leave you and yet it is necessary, I must go on." Sherlock whispered.
"Don't you call me Mr. Watson. Don't you pretend that this has never happened!" John yelled, wishing Sherlock would just look at him, wishing he would just stand up like a human being!
"It has happened John, and I will cherish the memories, I will cherish the love you have given me, however it cannot continue." Sherlock whispered. John blinked, remaining silent as the anger began to disintegrate, leaving nothing but shock and sadness, that familiar feeling of loss and loneliness beginning to settle in as it always did. John had felt like this so many times before it was becoming impossible to count, the day he woke up to find Mary gone, the night he had watched as the doctors failed to resuscitate his daughter, every single morning he woke up to one empty coffee mug and one half of an empty closet. And now again, standing in this church and listening as the only man he's ever loved muttered prayers under his breath. So this is what he got then...this was what he deserved. For daring to love, for daring to hope. For loving a priest, a man of God, and thinking that he may just prove to be superior to everyone's favorite storybook character! This was an all-time low, getting left for nothing than a mere idea! This was just so typical of John, was it not? It was almost as if he fell in love purely for the promise of being abandoned once again.
"Well then...fine." John whispered, his voice so broken that he could only force out syllables at a time.
"If you can't love me anymore then what's the use? What's the purpose of it all? Evidently I was never enough and this is all the evidence I needed to prove that you're not enough either." John muttered, grinding his teeth together and finally coming to his realization, finally accepting the idea that had been following him more faithfully than any human in his life. Sherlock wasn't enough, then so be it.
"John I'm sorry." Sherlock whispered helplessly, making no move to get up or even look the broken man in the eyes once more. John could only hum his agreement, because he was sure Sherlock was sorry. He was sure that the man had hundreds of excuses lined up, ready to be drawn at random, for his reasoning behind this break up. However John got the message, he wasn't as stupid as everyone treated him to be. He was finally able to realize that it wasn't the universe's fault that everyone left him, it was his own fault. He wasn't desirable, he wasn't meant to be loved, his heart was tainted, it was poisoned and it refused to be accepted by anyone for long. And so what was he supposed to do with it? He was beginning to detest his own heart just as much as the rest of humanity did...why should he have to be the one to carry it around day after day? John took a deep breath, looking up for the first time at the statue of Jesus that was looming above them on the cross. John could almost swear he was smiling.